My Story

I'm a woman in my forties who has chosen not to have children. Why did I choose not to have children? Well, I chose not to have children because I felt that there were many things I could not give a child with regards to time, energy, a family, etc but I do know I would have been a fabulous mother because I have a strong nurturing spirit and good heart as well as other parental attributes.  

What bothers me most is the non acceptance of society of my choice not to have children.

For example, when meeting certain cultures/beliefs one of the first things asked of me is do I have children? When I say I don't, the person immediately looks sad and convinces me that it's not too late. They then ask, Can you not have children? I just smile and comment I have nieces and nephews that I adore! 

Just yesterday, someone wished me a Happy Mother's Day weekend assuming I had children. I don't.

At the workplace. Many think that because I don't have children that I don't have a life. So my schedule reflects that and those with children have their schedule to accommodate their life. 

My past partner's mother, hounded me for years to "give her a grandchild". She realized that wasn't happening finally and her comment to me was ..I won't have any grandchildren and out came the lower lip. She thought with guilt that she would suddenly change my mind. Nope.  She literally hates me for it and because of angry comments I have not seen her/his family for the last two years of the now defunct relationship. She did not show acceptance.

Am I angry or bitter. No. I find it interesting.  
seemedlikeagoodideaatthetime seemedlikeagoodideaatthetime
36-40, F
2 Responses May 12, 2012

I read your story and I really understand - Im an indigenous ladywho was adopted and I never had children because of my past with my mother. Now 52 I have no family in any sense let alone have kids. It is like you a very lonely ride now when you see people my age with their children and grandchildren and honestly you have nothing to enjoy or share. It will always be hard and I say to you be strong as I know the loneliness the extreme sadness and feeling like a non person or counting in society. Having no partner to share this as well can be hard but I have my dog called 'WONDER' who Iove as a child. Take care and smile

Its your right to make this choice. Many people have children without thinking it through. As long as your past and future partners feel the same way no one gets hurt. <br />
I chose to have children and although its hard work, for me it has been very fulfilling.