Never Have And Never Will

I think I decided not to have children in my early teens, I'm now 35. I was told at the time that I would change my mind when the biological clock kicked in but it never has and I'm even more adamant to this day that it's not a life choice for me. Thankfully I'm engaged to a lovely Man who doesn't want them either.

There are several reasons I don't want children:

I'm very self sufficient and independent. Having a child would mean I would step back from my career and I would need to be reliant on my partner for money. I understand that mums work too but having come from the latch key generation myself I do believe that it's not an ideal situation and given the choice I would have preferred an upbringing where my Mum was around more often.

I'm very carefree and spontaneous, I like going on holidays on a whim and like the thought that if I wanted to upsticks and change my life completely in the future I can without worrying about anyone else but myself. I would find being a mother suffocating.

No disresepect to mums out there, the majority of my friends are mums but the thought of attending a mother toddler group or going on and on about my darling daughter on netmums is just nauseating.

And that brings me onto squeemishness. I've never changed a nappy in my life and I have no intention of ever doing it.

I would not have the patience to deal with a screaming child in a legal and acceptable way.

I'm bad with money which means I can leave myself short at the end of the month even though I'm on a decent wage. If I can't manage my money well enough to not live on toast for the last few days of the month how on earth am I going to ensure a constant supply of food, nappies and everything else a child needs.

There are enough children in the world, populations are soaring. If I don't want one then why should i contribute to the growing crisis.

Society and life is getting a more and more stressful and dysfunctional. It's not a world I particularly want to bring a child up in anyway.

So many people I know who have kids say if they knew then what they know now they would never have had them. Not least my own Mum!

Basically almost daily I come across a reason for me to say to myself "thank god you don't have kids" e.g when I want a lie in, when I'm invited out last minute and don't have to organise a baby sitter, when I want to buy myself something nice or when I see a distraught mum on public transport trying to diffuse a temper tantrum.

I can go on and on about the cons of not having children and can not think of one pro that I think will genuinely enrich my life for the better.

The above may make me sound cold hearted. I assure you I'm not. I'm a loving and not in the least bit selfish. I'm a devoted fiance, friend and daughter. I care very much for those close to me and always put them before myself.

I just don't want kids. Never have, never will.

Effeoh Effeoh
31-35
2 Responses Jan 7, 2013

I do firmly believe that if someone does not want children, then it is a responsible thing for that person to ensure against having children. Having a child does not make someone selfless, that is ridiculous. If that were true, then why are there so many sucky parents out there? lol

Only an ignorant, close-minded person would say that you're selfish and cold-hearted. I'm glad that you trusted your instincts and didn't listen to people who think they know more about what is best for your life than you do. Based upon what you told me, I would say you made the right decision.
I could really relate to three of the things you said:
"I would find being a mother suffocating."
"I would not have the patience to deal with a screaming toddler in a legal, acceptable way."
"Being a mother would not enrich my life at all."
I understand you mean no disrespect to mothers; I don't either. You want to be free to travel and pursue your career. Balancing a career with child-rearing is stressful and sometimes not an ideal situation. As for me, I just don't have any patience for all the things young children will do.
Thanks for sharing your story.