What?!? Married And No Sex

I got married because I loved my husband and sexually attractive to him.  Our love life was never over the top but thought when we got married we could have sex when ever we wanted.  However, we went from twice a week, to once week, to once a month, to once ever 6 months, to once a year, nothing at all.  I haven't had sex with him in several year.  I have even lost my desire for him.  If he was to walk in the room and actually try to have sex with me, I would have any interest.  Viagra, you say. It just gives him a headache.  So we tried another.  He take it and go get drunk, so drunk he would pass out.  I tried to leave and he begged me to stay.  He begged and begged.

With the economy the way it is.  I haven't been able to find a job else where.  I know I will have to leave far away because he follows and begs.  I don't know why.  I figure if he can't have sex, he figures no one else will want him either.  I am know 47 and haven't had real sex in almost 10 years.  I hear that this normal - I want to be abnormal.
lostinsanluis lostinsanluis
41-45, F
9 Responses Aug 22, 2010

Leave his ***...Punk.

I have been married for 3 years and have a child with my wife. My sex life has also declined. The last time i had sex is once this year and mid last year. My wife constantly tells me she wanted or will have sex with me and then pulls away. We tried counseling and talked about it many times, but no change. Actually, things apart to be getting worst to the point i stopped asking to see if she would initiate it. She just goes her way smiling like all is good. i approached her about the situation, than she tells me she fells the same. What you you lady's and gentleman do ?


Well, itt has been awhile since I first wrote my story. I knew I wasn't alone To matter worst his job transferred him to a new water treatment plant that is 31/2 hours away. He stays there in a house provided by the company with others that travel as well. Things haven't changed. His is a great person, hard working, and I know he loves and cares for me. But I do miss that loving feeling. We have gone to a marriage counselor, reached out to our church, yet nothing. We live in a small, isolated town with population of about 800. The town is old with many of the problems poverty brings. I teacher school in the local school district where I feel confined and unappreciated by my principal and superintendent (which use to be one of my closest friends). I am ready to leave - getting ducks in a row. If he follows, I will honor my vows for better or worst but if he can't leave his mother and this town. No hard feelings. <br />
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I guess, my advise to those in a new and young marriage get out now before 17 years of unhappiness passes by. Otherwise, I guess we except what GOD has handed us. For He never gives us more than we can handle, even though some days it seems we can not go on.<br />
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To 77regti, I would like to send you a private message, but not sure how. I may have some insight from a female perspective. lostinsanluis

77regti, how are you trying to overcome your situation?<br />
I had been through this since my 6 years marriage. though there were small bouts of hapiness but when I look closely, they were all self induced illusion of making my self happy. I dare to say "change yourself" if you want to continue to stay in this. There is not much you can do and in those small burst of joy, I ended up having a daughter. Things might change but the fundamental problems remain to haunt till this day. It requires spiritual strength to go through this. <br />
My wishes with you all here.

Same thing here.Got married had child 1 year lator than 2 months after birth of our son BAM no sex intamacy or snuggling just maybe a kiss on the cheak and a brief hug befor he leaves for work..I have grown to dispise and somewhat hate him.Our son is 9 now and I want a divorce so bad I can taste it but I feel bad about putting our son through that..My husband is great he is kind and thoughtful, he is a awsome Father.But I now am embarresed to dress around him I feel ugly and worthless..im tired of crying I really cant cry anymore now for the last 4 years I just hate him...Been through the counseling crap several times it works maybe for 2 weeks than its back to the BIG S word SELABASY....Now just this last year I have been sleeping on the couch I cant stand to near him.Its just a (f... you) to me that I cant touch him or he has no interest...I will be divorcing soon as I can.Im PISSED I wasted 12 years of my life and have a child that will now have a divorced family..

Been married for 3 months and already no sex. She won't talk to me and every time I try and confront her she just hides away in her defensive shell. I have never felt more alone than since I got married

im sorry you have to go through this.....i have been in the same situation.....we been married for 3 yrs and have a beautiful boy....but life had changed, he changed...situation....love...everything changed....<br />
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nm9285....i love him too as a person...but im also sad for us, my baby...my family...

Dont be like me been with my husband sice I was 28 im 40 now and he lost interest in me the second month we had our son ..it started off sex daily than once a week than twice a week than once a month than every 2 months than every 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 months to BAM nothing for 9 years..Oh he is a GREAT Dad and very generous and helpful But I want out and am stuck because I dont want to hurt our son...I totally DISPISE and have a hatred for him now.

I cry when I read ur story. We just got married 6 montgs ago and there is no sex here at all. I feel myself slowly falling out of love although I will always love him as a person. I am so sad for us.

Lostinsanluis-<br />
Love is a feeling tooken for granted, we give of our hearts....they (the mens) give what they can- which is not much, but we still love them. What keeps us there is the reason we have not left-jobless.<br />
Knowing that they feel -that we have to receive funds from them to at least start over- and we do.<br />
I have been married for 19yrs., and he says "He loves me", but the actions is far different than his words. We don't do anything together-like movies, couple dates, hold hands, it's like every man for themselves. I wish I could leave but I have a daughter and he won't let her go with me to live my Life-<br />
but a big twist to that too. We adopted a baby girl, and a check came along....he tries to use that to pay bills and still do whatever he wants. So I'm waiting until she is 18 or 19, then if the Lord says the same- I'm Outta Here.<br />
Traveling takes funds- set it aside and let it be a hush-hush, cause you know every little bit counts<br />
on their behalf, but make it for self. I'm without a job- but I'm Patience, we just want someone to Love us physical and mentally- so in the mean time look for Comfort in The Lord, he will make a way-out of no way.