I Left My Brains Behind When I Got Married

How could I have married my husband? I must have been brain dead! I am his fourth wife. He says he cheated on all his ex-wives and that I am the only wife he has not cheated on. Please spare me, like I believe that! Sometimes he just gets under my skin! If I had a ton of money I would be so out of here! I had a child before I met him and I wanted another after we got together. He never wanted any children by me. He said he already had six children by the other wives so he has enough! So tell me again why did I stay? Brain dead! So now almost twenty-two years later jack *#** says we should have had a child together! Yeah after it is too late! 
It has always been about him and what he wants. Selfish people like my husband never need to get married! I have always wanted a house. I dream of a place of my own instead of renting. He could care less, all he wants is his cars and his basketball. He is almost sixty-two! Grow up! We have nothing saved. We live paycheck to paycheck. I need to do something but I get so depressed. He is always at the gym and I am home alone. When he has time he has to be at his mothers house she is elderly. I feel so alone. I feel like I have wasted my life away! Years gone that I will never get back.
All I can say from my years of experience is that of: what you see is what you get. Some people never change. Believe in what you feel. This is your life! Do not waste it feeling sorry for someone. Years pass that you never get back. Don't be old lonely and grey like me and least of all a dummy! 
messyup messyup
May 28, 2012