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Because The Options Were Limited

A college dropout, child of divorced parents, and victim of domestic abuse from a prior live-in relationship -- I was working two jobs, as a grocery cashier and hostess at Denny's when I met my husband.  Because I've trashed him a lot on EP, I think it's only fair that I set the record straight about why I married this guy.

I married him because:

1.  He inspired me to go back to college, and was supportive while I did so.

2.  He didn't hit me.

3. He was active in his church, had a full-time job, and volunteered to tutor kids.

4.  He seemed mature and drama-free

5.  He came to every honor society induction I had, and cheered me on apply (successfully) to grad school.

6.  He played tennis with me.

7.  We sang in the car at the top of our lungs on long drives and he knew all the same songs I did.

8.  He was willing to dance the night away with me, then go to breakfast in the morning.

9.  He said he wanted kids too

10.  He collected Marvel comics & agreed that Star Trek painted a realistically hopeful picture of mankind's future.

There were no fireworks in our relationship, and my heart didn't palpitate when I saw him, but we had fun together, I liked him, and he made me feel safe.

26 years later, I can't find that guy in the physically and verbally abusive, emotionally stunted, ignorant bully who now reluctantly and only occasionally shares my bed. *shrug*  Oh well.  I guess "stuff happens."  At least for the most part we live almost completely separate lives.  That and his paycheck make the marriage tolerable -- for at least the short-term.

Colormevibrant Colormevibrant 46-50, F 1 Response Mar 18, 2010

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The early part of your relationship really sounds pretty good. Just so's you know about my expertise: the longest relationship I was ever in ended early last year after about 5 years of living together. I think that fireworks are fun and stuff, but the good part of your early relationship sounds like pretty damn good stuff to me.



The later part, though, that's a different story. Sounds like some things went wrong in his life.



I like that you tried to balance the picture after trashing him all over the place. I used to do the same thing for the people that heard about my unhappinesses (and for me too). It's rare that the other person is ALL bad, usually it's the fit that's wrong.



If he got in touch with his problems and say, in a year or two, was kinda' back to where he was before, how much would you want to stay/go?



How much crap does one put up with? (I learned during the end of my relationship that this is a pretty common topic of discussion among my sisters (3)). We all have plusses-and-minuses for each other; where's the balance? I stayed with her, at one point, because I knew (and still do) that I would trade her in for a different set of +'s & -'s. Now, I think I'll make better choices. But still, it's a tough question. I think that one ought to answer that question and then take action.