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If You Don't Like Something Change It; If You Can't Change It, Change The Way You Think About It.

I got married to my husband because I fell in love with him… My mom always said that love is not enough to make a marriage work, you need to find someone whose faults you can live with… I used to tell anyone who would listen what my mom always said to me and I believed it with all my heart. Until I found out some of my husband’s faults that he had kept hidden from me. Now I think that my mom was wrong…. You shouldn’t marry the person you can live with… you should marry the person you can’t live without……

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. I do not regret getting married to my husband, however, I do regret things I have done during our marriage. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Albert Einstein once said,      “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” 

Anything that a person is forced to change about himself or herself; will eventually revert to the way it was before the change was coerced. When change is unwillingly imposed on a person, it causes resentment. While at the same time, refusal to adhere to reasonable modifications can produce just as much resentment.

I have no idea why society makes it more difficult to acquire a license to drive a car than they do to obtain a license to get married. Being in a marriage is far more dangerous than operating a vehicle. I strongly believe that couples should be required to pass a test to prove that they are in agreement with each other concerning essential, conjugal fundamentals. We impose age restrictions on individuals because the consumption of alcohol requires mature decision making abilities, yet the only maturity level required to get married is independence from custodial guidance, regardless of whether the independence is deserved.

Remember that a successful marriage depends on two things… finding the right person and most importantly, being the right person.

TypicalPisces TypicalPisces 31-35, F 14 Responses Apr 3, 2010

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At last...the partnered thoughts does Exist! Amen.

Giving your story a standing ovation.

Well...I'm simply not the right person for the man I married.

really liked reading that as i couldn't agree with you more!!<br />
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"You shouldn’t marry the person you can live with… you should marry the person you can’t live without……" that pretty much sums it up for me lol that's Love!! <br />
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" To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. Albert Einstein once said, “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” thanks for the good quote, i like a good quote!! :)<br />
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thanks for writing this tho....take care and God Bless

Ooooff... That title... Wow something I've strongly believed for years, but never actually put into words like that. Great stuff. As for marriage... No idea :D Minor modifications - I love the way you phrased that... If only, eh?<br />
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There again, life's simple once you learn to play your hand and not wish for another. Funny ol' place :) I even link your own story for reference ;)<br />
<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Cant-Change-The-Past-But-I-Can-Change-My-Future/1321448" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>

What a great piece. I am in the middle of a separation from my wife. As part of this process, I am experiencing the reaction from friends that I suppose accompanies a marriage break-up. Ironically, whilst I appreciate the empathy and concern from my family and friends I feel an inner peace. I believe I am truly honouring myself and my wife by making this choice. Rather than fear and deny the emotional ride this will take me on, I know I will embrace it all - the sadness, anger, denial bargaining and eventually acceptance. we have beautiful children from our time together, whom I will ensure will be looked after and I will always love and be a part of their life. I celebrate our time together, however I will also accept that I can no longer honour the "contract" of our marriage the we both entered into.

This is a very powerful post. I will keep it close to my thoughts... because I needed to read something like this.... <br />
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Magic

Yes, if we continue to repeat the same actions and expect different results then we must believe in Darwinism. People sometimes are like the sea, their emotions ebb and flow while they seek solidity in each day and hour, something that never happens.

This is excellent advice!

Thank you all for your intrest in my story, it has taken me a long time to make peace with or even understand, many aspects of the dysfunction I call my marriage... Everything is much easier when you give up control and realize The problem is not that there are problems in your marriage because problems are inevitable. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem... Take care all :) Find peace within yourself, or you will never be at peace together...

What a comment at the end there... Fantastic summary of so much wisdom :D

yep. my husband and i have both changed a lot since we first got married. as long as a couple stays close and uses the changes in a positive way it works. even the bad stuff weve been through has caused us to grow together

Beautifully penned :) And so very true. Last year I ended a 10 year relationship because I realized that we both would never be happy. However, we have both moved on and I am happy for us both! And I have met that man that I cannot live without :)

Can't agree more,..

so true.seems odd to me that our society often puts more attention to a wedding event than to the health&longevity of the following marriage relationship.centuries on,we're still blundering through our relationships,often blaming everyone else's shortcomings for any difficulties &having that as an excuse for not taking responsibility for our own part in it.so many excuses for not doing everything to be the best we can be.i guess in our heavily legislated environment,it's a good thing not to add more licencing requirements to our marriages &parenting but is a shame that we dont choose our values to be along the lines of improving our relationships with our spouse & kids,looking at what we can do to prevent the rough stuff &help us ride the waves of the unavoidable.