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Why Are Women So Hard On Themselves?

This morning I read an article in Melbourne's MX magazine:

'Men 58, not out. Women are past 'it' at 29'

Women reckon they've lost 'it' by 29, but men believe they're still in their prime until more than double that age - as long as they can still perform in the bedroom....

Men said they didn't care about their looks and judged whether they were past it on whether they were hungry for sex.'


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To top this off, this morning I was watching the Today show, and the two (beautiful) female presenters were talking about the pressure on women to look good. One was struggling not to tear up.

I dont know about the rest of you girls, but personally, I feel better now at 35 than I ever have before. I dont care how old I get, so long as I'm vibrant, happy, energetic, healthy. The women that have inspired me in life have never been terribly young... I just wonder why women are typically so hard on themselves?
EternallyHopeful EternallyHopeful 31-35, F 26 Responses Apr 4, 2011

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stormy, I am so sorry. I dont know your situation at all, but I am not surprised he's not all that happy... I suspect a lot of the time the grass just looks greener on the other side. I hope you're moving on with your life - lots of that left in you yet, I'll bet :)

my husband of 13 years left me for a 19 year old female. this happened 7 years ago. i am basically over it, but i wonder why would any man throw away a lifetime for a young girl?! he did marry her, but from what i hear he isn't very happy.

Jack - that's really well said. It's nice to know there are wise men out there like you that appreciate the entire person. <br />
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JT- wow, what a woman you sound ! ;) And good on you - big, bold, beautiful JT.

Venus - nope, you're not missing anything. That one surprised me a bit when I read it to. All I can say is, trust the Brits ;)<br />
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Luna - thanks for adding your younger voice here... I'm really glad you're happily moving onward and upward in your life, the only way to be.<br />
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oldfamerguy - wow, thanks for the lovely comment. It's always a pleasure to meet real men that have genuine interest in the whole person. No old fool that I see anywhere - lots of widom in there.<br />
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Imogen - good on you for not getting dragged in to the media hype. What load of rubbish. As I see it most of us are fumbling our way (often rather badly) before 29 anyway. Lots of us longer still. LOL Stay confident !<br />
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ryliegirl - thanks for the comment. You are right, I think. We're sold a lie so frequently that we begin to believe it. I"m often staggered by people's self-image that differs so greatly to how others see them.

I think some do it to beat the rest of the world to it. We believe we have to be everything, encompass it, and not fail.

Childishness! <br />
The very thought of beauty. If young people were really beautiful would they have to worry about pretty?<br />
I don't think so. Heck, I think that's the only reason we look so cute when we're young. Why the heck else would anyone else want us! The insides are so shallow and ugly.<br />
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EH, sounds like you've grown beyond that and your real beauty has been found!<br />
Yet so many never seem to grow up even when older. They still believe it's what a body looks like!<br />
When it's really what that body holds hidden inside.<br />
As for the ?men?... Well way to many of them never grow up. They live their entire life being lead by the wrong head! <br />
All that stupid advertising... Perfectly made to play on the weakness. Yup, there really is a sucker born every minute. <br />
And that thing that women don't have it anymore after 29! What a joke! I've not seen it for myself, but I hear stories every day about those that are in elder care homes! Heck, almost make a guy want to go there. Sounds like a flashback to the 60's!<br />
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There is a lot of sexy though, in the eyes of gray haired older gals. And their warm knowing smiles. Yup, sexy is in the mind. Miss Sass said it best, it is all about confidence and knowing exactly who you are and what you want out of life! <br />
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What warms me though is that in these comments I see so many REAL women! I even had to take the time to see the ages. What a surprise!<br />
There may be hope after all!<br />
Gals, I only know one here a bit. That is Venus. I read her comments somewhere here almost every time I'm on. Now she is the picture of sexy and beauty! Though I wonder if she's pulling my leg with that 46 - 50... she sounds to vibrant to be that age. <br />
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OK, so now this old fool needs to go take a cold shower. I've seen to much beauty here for one day!

I have noticed most of the comments are from ladies over their 30's with lots of confidence and totally proving this article is wrong lol I'm going towards that age learning to love myself a lil more each day feeling comfortable in my own skin and enjoying this brand new careless, calm, peaceful and silly personality of mines regardless of everything else

You could be right Sassy. Confidence is extremely important, if not the most important thing to having the 'it' factor. Think I'm throwing this article out LOL But it's raised some interesting comments.

Hmmm .. I wonder if many of those surveyed were younger and just "feel" like you would loose it at 29. There are just SO many women who can't help but ROCK "it" when they are older. I think it is all about confidence and knowing exactly who you are and what you want out of life!

Thanks unshakable. Life does have a way of teaching us in the oddest ways, doesn't it?

I fully agree with your story and your attitude towards life.I am also looking at life my way despite setbacks.

Me too Sassy. I think this article is flawed, because so many women do seem to feel that level of comfort in their own skin in their 30's and 40's that didnt earlier. I know the study was UK ba<x>sed... let me see what it says about age... <br />
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It's not clear, I'm afraid. "... a study by a British Funeral Comapany. Most of the 1000 people polled on the company's website said 29 was when women don't have "it" anymore.'<br />
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Go figure. It is only MX....

I think I have found "it" in my 30's EH ... and for me, I think it was more about a mental shift in attitude rather than any physical changes. I am far more comfortable with ME now than I ever was in my 20's .. I am more relaxed about how I present myself to the world and how I think about myself. In a way, my attitude towards the "mental" side of me has transfered a little to the physical side.<br />
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It would be interesting to know the age range of the women surveyed for the article that you read.

:) I'm sure you do Rocks :)

*enjoys the company of women who are happy with themselves*

Oh... Venus, I'd love to say you're wrong too, but I dont think you are...<br />
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BUT - quality is always in demand, girls. Going back to my good wine, I think. I'll keep believing that. I know that's what the men keep telling me... funny how they always want to see me naked after that, though :D

You know what's bizzare? Changing my EP age bracket is the first thing I thought of when I turned 35 last year. I was 32 when I joined. Dear God, I need a life...

Yes, us quality people are like good wine, just keep getting better with age... hmmm, how many more reasons for enjoying getting older can I come up with? I'm sure going to need them when I have to change my age bracket at the end of this year on EP :O

LOL - Isshe, I was in my 30's when I was pregnant, and I didnt much like it either. I found the big belly very uncomfortable. And GW... I hear 40 is the new 30. Well, we can all hope, anyway.

I thought I could see some of that white coming through in your avatar hair :0

sigh...I don't think I was old enough to appreciate my pregnant self back then...I wish I could be pregnant now :(<br />
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lol....I am kidding xR!!!!

Isshe and GW - it seems we're alike on this one. Viva the 30's :) :) :)

Oh! Well this is news to me. I don't think I really felt 'sexy' until well into my 30s. lol...I think I was just too busy with little kids before then to think about anything other then just chucking on a pair of trackie dacks and a t-shirt in my twenties. I've also had time to get used to my body and appreciate it for what it is. Sure...I complain about it occasionally but on the whole I am pretty happy with it :) <br />
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Oh and I think it takes until your thirties to lose that awkwardness that younger men AND women seem to have. On the whole we are all just more comfortable about who we are and how we fit into the world around us.<br />
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You know, I have never been very good at making friends with people who are too much younger than myself...it's like I can't bear to witness their awkwardness...but obviously the same doesn't apply to older people befriending me...I've often thought about it...

des - I dont know... Personally I find men so much more accomodating of women than women are. There are of course the super-sexy 15 year olds that make every mans mouth drop as they walk in the room, but hey... In some ways I'm glad I dont look that good, because I value my intellect and other qualities, and would therefore never engage wtih a man just after sex. But hey, that's just me.<br />
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WS - you're right. You know, I once read that it was when off the rack clothing came in that eating disorders started. I think this could be the case. Instead of changing the clothes to suit the body, we're now trying to change the body to suit the clothes, or image, as you say. Imperfectly perfect, I like that. And nice to meetcha ;)<br />
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Jimmy - you see. As I said, it seems men are much more accomodating of women than women are of themselves. I dont get it. And yes... there is nothing more bizzare than a dellusional man, who thinks he can pull the girl have his age and 50 time better looking. Again, I dont get it.

I've always liked women, whatever their age, but somehow, as I get older myself, I look at "older" women (meaning: my age or above) in a different way.<br />
Before, they were 'just' women; while lately, they've become sexual beings also...<br />
Do women over 50 look better these days, or am I finally growing wiser, I don't know...<br />
I must say I'm a tad tired of women being pushed into thinking they're "over it" when they approach 30. It's the biggest load of gibberish I've heard...<br />
Women should define "beauty" along their own standards and not listen to males who sell this bull for truth and who they themselves usually are past their prime...

Its all around us, advertising to Be perfect. Men lol like destry said. And some women even pressure us. Hair longer shorter. Gain weight lose weight.. no wrinkles, botox face lifts. New outfits. Keep up keep up! Ahh enuf to make a woman scream. Till hopefully all of us reach that point and look at ourselves and realize we're perfect in our "imperfections". Love yer post!