It Was Easier to Be Abused Myself...

I was abused since I was a little girl, emotionally, physically, and sexually.  I dealt with it as well as I was able, and I worked hard at forgiving others and stopping the cycle with me.  I try so very hard to take the good away from a situation, and learn what I don't want to do or be from the bad situations.  Being abused was hard, especially since abusers like to convince you that it was all your fault, and you believe them.  I have been and continue to be in therapy, along with my family. The hardest thing I have ever gone through, however, was finding out that someone close to me had sexually abused my daughter when she was a baby.

I found out 5 years after the fact, but did all the things to protect my child.  The relative who abused her was found guilty of felony charges and got the ********* name, 15  years suspended sentence, and no contact with her for 5 years.  When I was reeling from that information, my support system that I went to for help handling this very hard situation had someone in it, who knew what was going on, also a relative, but not related to perp 1, also sexually abuse her.  She was 7, he was 14, and his abuse was worse than perp 1's.  When she was interviewed, both persons were named.  The 14 year old was also found guilty, but because of his age he got to "do a program" to "rehabilitate" juvenile sexual offenders and when he turns 18 in July his record will be sealed.  There are no legal restrictions between them (I have my own!!), and since they are related she sees him fairly often (never alone!). It is like it never happened.

The reason it is hard is that the stress of the trials, interviews, etc, not to mention a middle of the night move to a shelter and running from perp 1 for months has seriously messed up my daughter's mental health.  She is now diagnosed PTSD, Bipolar (not biological, situationally induced), and is having a hell of a time staying out of mental hospitals.  She is now in 5th grade, not old enough to have had to endure all of this. 

I forgave her perps, and the family that was not there for us, but I blamed me for not protecting her.  Looking back there was no way I could have known, or stopped it, but it was still hard because I was brought up to believe that good mommys don't let their children get harmed at all. I have come a long way in forgiving myself and we continue to work together to pull the family together again.  We play games and make points in finding positive things in our lives every day.  We treasure the time we have together instead of waiting to do "happy" things.  We can turn doing dishes into an adventure and a fun time, and she is getting the therapy and help she needs (us too!) to make the abuse just an unpleasnt part of her past instead of subscribing to the "victim" persona that society seems to cultivate.  I really believe that we are all going to be fine! 


**Personal note:** Forgiving does not mean forgetting, learn from the past and don't set yourself up in a position that could go badly, but don't wake up and wrap yourself in your status as a victim every morning either! You need to move on and make the best of every day since tomorrow is not promised to you!!

Collegemom7898 Collegemom7898
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 18, 2009

I hope things look up for you both.

I'm happy for you ;D