Too Much to Do

My heart goes out to you. I lived it for years. I had a period of three years in my life where I teetered on the edge of bankruptcy all the time. There is no real secret other than great resolve and budgeting. For a while I didn't even have a home phone or cable. People tend to think of these things especially cell phones as a necessity. They are luxuries that once they are gone you don't even really miss that much. I used to shop at three different stores to get certain items cheaper. I bought and cooked in bulk and froze stuff a lot. I bicycled to work. At one point I even delivered flyers and catalogues for a bit of extra cash to get by. It is tough for sure but it does build character. In time, it does get easier. Best of luck
BASS

First of all, hugs and support and energy to you. It's such a difficult stage to go through! And even though eventually the kids will get older, go to school, and be more autonomous (ie, potty trained!), that doesn't get you through today and tomorrow and next week.



Other people don't have it any more "together" than you do. "Leading lives of quiet desperation" and all that. Just keeping the family together and loving is a huge success. Don't take that for granted! The stress and exhaustion undermines a lot of relationships and it sounds like you guys are holding on well. :)



You can lower your standards about how "clean" the place has to be, btw. If friends/visitors are uncomfortable with the clutter or the undusted counters, why, they can pick up a dustrag. But I bet when you have visitors they are there to see you and your family, not to judge your surroundings. (And if they don't like it, they can pick up a broom and put it the way they want it, right?)



Saving money. Hard to give tips when I'm not sure what you're already doing. Restaurant food adds up, and when you're crunched for time it's hard to have groceries and make lunches and stuff. If you have a Trader Joe's near you it's a compromise to buy prepared meals, at least for lunches; more expensive than huge sacks of rice and beans to make things from scratch, but saves on time.



I think the real trick is to find other moms and trade off kids on a Saturday. Drop yours off there, go home, and sleep. Then the next Saturday, she brings hers to you, and she goes home and sleeps. The shaving of legs and painting of toes has to wait until the kids are 8. ;)



It's really hard to get through this stage without a handy grandma or aunt or other support. I think women especially get very hard on ourselves because we think we should "do it all" and also perfectly. But that can't be done. So you do the best you can, accept that it means a messier house than you want and unpolished toes, and try to prioritize the "musts" ... which are feeding, loving, hugging, bathing, stories, and sleeping. For the whole family not just the kids. ;)



Hang in there. It'll get easier.

Wise words

Luscious said it all.

I have been in your shoes; I have no family anywhere near, so there is not built-in-support system. One thing that took me a long time to digest were words from my mother. "Do what you can to your best and remember that the dirty dishes will be there tomorrow."

Now, I try to maximize on my time, but there are days that I pick my battles.

Big hugs!

Im there right now too, up to eye balls in debt, tight funds, two kids, and yes I have a husband and yes he helps with anything and everything but it just spreads us both thin, thinner and try not to vanish! We barley make it by on two incomes and daycare robs us blind! I understand where your coming from, some times people begrudge a people who have partners because they are not doing it alone but it does not matter a hardship is a hardship no matter how it comes about. hang in there!

My heart goes out to you esp. b/c it reminds me a lot of my own mother's struggles. Unsure how she did it but in our earlier days she kept the fam together while fighting off gov't aid (ie.foodstamps) & keeping us all in school w/a steady eye on our grades. Higher education was critical to her & now to us all as well.

Surely there were hand-me-downs, thrift spending, budget meals, revolving group day-care, plus the occasional restricted entertainment (minimal TV time & no movie outings). But none of us felt completely deprived though the wants & needs are always constant.

Somehow we all managed to escape the status quo of falling victims to gangs, drugs, violence; at the time, the neighborhood we lived in were fair targets for such tragedies. Now everyone is passed the age of 25, college educated, w/the youngest being a lawyer. Remembering our mom's hardships kept us plowing through the books & holding off marriage/family until things seem more secure (even though that's elusive).

How she did it: tried a couple of home-based careers; though many failed, she kept going, even to this day. Gradually, w/the help of a great community & strong economy, she started her own retail business that multiplied into several. Meanwhile, our stepfather was great pitching in, becoming Mr.Mom to us 3kids. His support was crucial to helping her achieve her career/financial goals.

On the homefront things were always kept orderly through hard discipline by rewards & punishment system. Our parents made sure each person were accountable for our own mess & responsibilities. Though we didn't lack any 'lost childhood innocence', there was a lot of quick growing up to do. Mainly, we learn to take care of each other too.

Now, after selling off most of her retails, structuring rental income, & amassing a sizable fortune she became a full time investor in various businesses. And she never forgot to return favors to her community by staying active w/fund drives & continuous multi-charity contributions.

So the point here is w/focused dedication & tenacity to keep it all together, you'll make it. Setting achievable goals were her priority. She didn't have to be super organized to do that either! But we were definitely blessed w/a mother who had a strong inner drive & desire to create a better life for us, as I'm sure you're certainly willing to do for your kids.

She wasn't always the perfect mom, being so strict & frequent absences b/c of work, but a very loving one. For that, she raised 3extremely appreciative, healthy, happy-oriented adults who can handle hardships as they come.

Hope this account helps give inspiration when things seem bleak. Looking back, even our entire family are still quite astonished how much has been & can be accomplished through the heart of one strong-willed, determined woman.

These days many people are working towards that house car great furniture paying off a good tv etc. Maybe its time to look at how you can reduce how much money is going out, look at what you want in your life most of all, we all fall into the trap of wanting to have it all, have all the nice things, but when the kids grow up and have left home, you will look back and realise all those things were not important at all.

I raise two children on one income, its tight yes but its possible. Trust me when I say, if you reduce what you feel you should have in your life, get rid of any debts and make an issue of keeping life simple, eg... eat out maybe once a month, do outdoor activities that don't cost a lot eg... parks, beaches etc. Make sure you don't shop for things that are not necessary all the time, eg clothes, we don't need to have lots of these, and believe me it can save on washing.

If you and your husband put your mind to it and look at how you can rearrange your lives, then maybe one of you/you can stay home with the kids....as you won't regret being there for them, we only regret not doing things for other people at the end of the day, none of the materialistic stuff has meaning really.

Cut down on what is least important and leave the dishes once in a while so you can paint your toenails or whatever you want to do for yourself.

Well, I am a wife, mother of 4; ages 13,4,3 & newborn plus I work fulltime and on that job I am responsible for a whole lot that is not in my job description! You ask how do some people make it look easy. I must say that I really don't know. I just do it and try not to complain because it could be worse. I think about all the women that have had a miscarraige or just can't get pregnant. I think of all the women who wish they had a good husband and provider and then my life doesn't look so bad. I continue to tell myself that GOD does not make mistakes and that each of my children were ment to be here and that's how I maintain. My husband and I do not have the support system of our family because mine is out of town and his family wants you to beg (Not happening) so we do not have much me time. I do a lot of praying and we depend on each other. But women, let's be real, the majority of it all falls on us. I just do it and think nothing of it because again, it could be worse.

Second hand stores and dollar stores can save you soooo much money. They have everything from clothing to cleaning products.