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Did I Make The Right Choice ?regrets ...pain...feeling Lost & Burried Alive !

here'smy story & am sharing it with you anonymous people who i don't know because i need to talk & becuse i really wanna know whats your opinion ...

 ...i never thought ver in my life ill be in such a situation but life can't seize to surprise us
i ve been in a relationship for a year & a half ....at first i didn't really see that guy as my match i thought we were just friends  but after 20 dayz from knowin one another ..the guy confessed he was in love with me& i kina refused the whole thing more than once becuz it all didn't make sense ..but after 3 months  of daily tryin to get closer to me & doing crazy things for me
& literally being there for me daily ..i kina felt pressured or actually have fallen for him , got used to his presence in my life & we got into a relationship ...that was my first relationship ..but not his first nor his second..am kind of a very sensitive person thats why i used to alwayz keep a distance from guys thinkin that this way i protect myself from bein hurt ..but i kina fallen for all wt he's done & we started bein in a relationship ...

the first few months it wasn't easy for me to get used to the idea of me bein in a relationship,i was kina shy & all ...but weird things started to bother me & thats when my nightmare began ...the first month or second he asked everythin about everythin i did in my past ....questionin everythin ..he even got old pics of me & commented on the way i was dressed in some sports thing & told me i should regret knowin some group of people cuz they 're trash !

he started askin me about every lil detail who is this who is that ..where are you goin when ...no friends "guys "are allowed ..you don't need them ....& if you talk to guys behind my back this would be betrayal ...

all of this& other stuff ...was actually makin me feel i was choking ..he was very controlling very very ...

& also he made my self confidence get so low ..i started hatin myself ..everythin i ve done ..i became very not social ...i hated the way i look & everythin...

but at the same time he really loved me i could feel it ..& he was good in some aspects ...but the fact that everything i wasn't allowed to do he was doin ..he was meetin new girls behind my back & addin them on facebook & talkin to them while i used to know that by chance...i really felt so hurt & so hurt :"(

....after months & months of torture because he wasn't truthfulll & our relationship was very stressful for me ..& i didn't trust him anymore because he he fooled around behind my back & i didnt get solid proof of it i just got clues about it  ...we began fightin frequently & at the final dayz i was pretty mean ...especially because he made me feel i was ugly he was killing me & hurting me without knowin ...he was a player  beforeand known as one ,,i never mentioned that to him & lots of things about his past but never judged him about anything but he always did ..at the endings i kina felt he didn't get me at all ...but at the same time i knew he loved me & i loved him ...but eventually ,,,becuase of everything going on my mom stopped this relationship ...& i agreed on that ..mom saw he was ruinin my life ...& maybe he was i don know ...after that he told me i shouldnt listen to my mom & am betrayin his trust by leavin him like this ..but i just did i just left ..& we go 2 the same uni ,,,now that all is done i cant seem to get over it ..did i loose him or did i loose myself ? what should i do ? i feel so lost & i feel my life doesnt make anysense without him ..its like when i imagine my futur i can't imagine my life with him nt there ..am cryin all the time i study a very hard subject & i can't start studying ..plz tell me was it the right thing 2 do ? i feel very bad plz help me
hind122 hind122 18-21 Feb 23, 2012

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