God Swap

I have been dedicated to Pan for 16 years, and though I love him dearly I feel it's time for a change.

Since I became pregnant, I have felt a loss of him. He feels so far away, and it's new and strange. He hardly answers like he use to, and I almost let it get me down sometimes. He's always been there for me through my life. I finally realized that I should consider who he is and how he relates to my life and who I am. I am a mother now, who's main concern is her child. Though Pan is a nuturer of sorts, he is a carefree spirit and a wanderer full of lust.

I conclude that I should rededicate myself to an aspect of my God that can relate to my spirit and life, along with what matters to me.

When I was young, around 17, I has already been dedicated and practicing for close to 4 years. I had a very intense and profound dream. God had spoken to me, and I woke in tears. I cried for an hour and prayed. I was so greatful that he appeared to share his wisdom with me. I will write a story about this dream later, but for now I will concentrate on God.

He looked almost like a minotaur, but after research on the mythic creature concluded that he was not infact a minotaur. He had the head of a bull, and it seemed his body was that of a man but was covered in thick, very short black hair, all accept his genitals/pubic area. His eyes were silver. They were like quick silver, shifting and glimering with the sunlight. He was calm, soft spoken, and a very easing entity.

I searched for years to find some accounts of a God in this form. I honestly believe that all Gods are one, simply different aspects, so it shouldn't matter much, but I was intrigued with this figure!

Since I have decided to rededicate myself, I will be rededicating to one of 3 Gods: El, Dagon, or Ba'al. All 3 Gods are depicted as having the head of a bull in some accounts. All 3 of these Gods bare a name that simply means "Lord", "Master", or "Creator", quite non-specifically. I plan to communicate with each one individually before I make a decision.

Any thoughts?
FellidayaFiresong FellidayaFiresong
31-35, F
Sep 16, 2012