But I'd Raher Not Come Back At All

This is a pleasant idea, but if our soul is basically the same, I'd prefer to never come back at all.  First, our Karma (or unfulfilled desire), determines our appearance too a degree, and fat and ugly is fat and ugly not matter what sex you are.  But that is no major affair and can be dealt with; the reason we have the physicality we do is to learn from our past Karma, to overcome that desire; this is the "easy" part.  And while physical unattractiveness is annoying, the deeper essence of the soul has a much more profound effect; it's unfulfilled desire is even more ruinous.

I would not want to be who I am in my soul: the outsider, the person that is so out of touch with humanity that even other outcasts cannot relate.  This is the essence of my soul.  As bad as it is to be born with the wrong gender, I think being me as a female would be even harder.  Women are more socially evolved: more loving, empathetic, caring of the souls of others; how much harder would it be to be an outsider with even stronger empathy and care than I already have?  What was I in the past that led me to this life?  A heartless coquette who took delight in seducing men and women simply because I could and got some twisted satisfaction out of destroying them emotionally?  A vicious brute completely laking in humanity who savaged women like Jack the Ripper?  Both of these archetype are outsiders who flail sadistically at anyone they can because they are somehow inhuman and so are rejected by society.  I feel nothing but shame at the violence, both physical and psychoogical, I feel towards others when I am depressed; it's mercurial and viscious.  And the act of constantly repressing it has had its toll not only on my nearly non-existant social life, but has played merry hell with my physical health and has never let me know a single day without profound pschological pain.

Why Im I genetically male, yet so attracted to femininity that I would have been a lesbian had I been born with the "correct body"?  Whatever I was supposed to learn, whatever desire I was to overcome, I have certainly failed in this life; I do not wish to repeat it.
CorazonVacio CorazonVacio
46-50, M
2 Responses Aug 5, 2010

karma has nothing to do with desire.....or wealth..or possesions....re think your situation,huh!

An outsider, surely, but a very intelligent one. May you be reborn, male or female, into a happier set of circumstances where you may shine and dazzle and experience much Love...