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Descision

THE DESCISION


I am told that I am old.

I have been told that I have no feelings

I am told that I have too many emotions, that I do not see people for who they really are. That I do too often cry, because some one can not or will not try to understand me for who I really am.

I do look up and in to the sky and into the stars.

They shine upon the world – to light up a path of uncertainty.

But I do ask you of but one thing. Please look deep with in and what do you really see.

A star that is lonely. A star that needs a reason to shine.

You came one long and lonely day.

You were sad, you were gloomy. You saw no reason to shine.

That day, your eyes was full of tears – your saw all your dreams and hopes fade away.

You were filled with despair. You did not see a reason to go on. You had no reason to live, but there are two kids that NEEDED YOU AND LOVED YOU.

You maybe thought you had no reason to live, but the thought of leaving all to fend for them selves, though but a picture of 2 kids popped into your head again.

You maybe thought to yourself. I do have to live. I have to inspire myself to live. So that I can be trusted to live and be responsible and prove to my two kids that I do want to be there for them, trusted to live and love and understand that they do need a mother, that will give unconditional love to them no matter what they do and the decisions that they will have to make In life. You need to survive, but it depends on you to want to change.

You maybe also thought to yourself. I almost brought my self to point of no return. I had to turn to drugs and alcohol to escape the reality of life. Then a question arrived in your then confused mind. What will my kids do if I were not around? Who would want them and love them? What would they think and have to explain to friends later in life. What happened to your real mother? They would have to say. She could not handle the stress of life, she decided to kill herself. She did not care. She wanted us kids to survive but what ever happen to us, it would not be her fault. No one to help and guide us, to hold us and understand us, we are just kids. We would have to learn what we have to. She had to resort to the drugs and alcohol to survive. She did not care about us at all.

You had almost come to a point of no return, but the picture of two kids came back alive in your mind again.

I have to live. I have to be a mother. I think that I have to be around two loving and understanding kids. I have to be the person that they want to call mom, and that they can respect and accept that I have changed my life. I feel in my heart now that I have to be alive. Although mistakes have been made in the past, and thanking some one above that I am not in the ground yet

I can and will survive – So I can and will be the mother the best mother that I can be. It will be hard but I have to do this for my kids and me. It will be hard for me to change. But I have to do what I know that I can do.

They do need a mother that they can trust, to do the right thing. To teach them the difference between right from wrong. I want them to be proud of me for changing. I can and will teach them the difference of right from wrong.

I did use the excuse of the drugs, alcohol, and other things. That I thought was for my own way out.

It will be hard for me to change, and get off what I did use as an excuse. I have to do this for my kids. They do need some one to trust them. They do need some one to respect them, and teach them right from wrong.

The stares started to see a change in you. The world has needed for someone to do the first small part to change it.

The stars started to shine then. They now have a reason to sparkle. They now had a purpose to be what they should be.

You are the reason why the stares now do shine. You are the reason the sun comes up in the morning and goes down at night

You started a change. A change the stars and the world would see. You decided to change your life, and all the world will love you. And most important of all, you have two kids that will love you forever and ever. And now you can love yourself to.

You started to live for your kids and now your kids are living for you.

You are also now, laughing and smiling. And telling some people around you, what is now happening in your life. Good and bad, but hopefully more good than bad.

All you did, was start a change.
gllr gllr 56-60, M 2 Responses Nov 8, 2011

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I like your story verry inspiring . And my be you become on idial friend.

thank you for your kind words.

Beautiful story my friend. It was as if this is about me. What you wrote is what my reason is to live for, my daughter and granddaughter and other family members who love me. Thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts with us. :-)

This was written a long time ago, she is no longer around, but I still worry about her. I have no idea what ever happen to her. But I knew it was never meant to be.
Thank you for reading this. And still caring.