Along For The Ride

My relationship is crazy. Full of continuous ups and downs, extreme highs and lows. A real psychological and emotional roller-coaster.

For a while things have been good....better than good even. He's been sweet and attentive, flirtatious and affectionate. There have been multiple texts filled with sexual innuendos. It's almost like we've begun to notice each other again after all these years; to remember why we fell in love in the first place. I've been happy and content...smiling. We were on an uphill trek.

But, as with anything, what goes up must eventually come down. And we are, or at least he is. I'm just along for the ride.

He's stressed, but won't discuss it with me. The more I ask him to talk to me about it, the more withdrawn he becomes. He has changed into someone else almost overnight; someone I know, someone I pity, yet also someone I need to protect myself from.

Today there was no light in his eyes. They were dulled and empty....soulless eyes that can't see the good in his life. He looks broken and it pains my heart to see him this way, yet it frustrates me that he won't let me in. He won't talk to me, won't let me touch him.... he leaves me wandering hurt and alone inside my head bracing for the inevitable crash. The pain that always comes.

I should be used to it by now. Perhaps in a way I am. Over the years I have learned to embrace the good times and persevere through the bad. I have become numb, distanced. I tell myself not to take it personally. It's just him...he can't help it. Yet at the same time I'm always surprised how it hurts...how it weighs me down from the inside. My heart sinks and I settle in for the coming storm.

It could last a day, a week, even a month. I just never know. All I can do is hold on....I'm just along for the ride.

LG76 LG76
36-40, F
5 Responses Jan 9, 2013

wow dear that can be a long and lonely rideand long and lonely i understand i have ben there for 12 years now and wounder when i will find the girl that will make me happy and them too and i am still in that search

It must be hard for you. Sorry!

Thanks DM...no sorry needed. Things'll get better I'm sure. I called to check on him today and he's sounding better....I'm hopeful my weekend won't be a sexless one! LOL

I could offer to remedy that concern but that would be a bit "caddish" don't you think?

LOL...I'll let you know later ;D

He should see a doctor & convincing him will be tough

it's impossible..... most of the time I don't even bring it up because it leads to him having an angry outburst. Thanks for the support sweetie! xo

Keep trying

Sounds like bipolar disorder. But you're right, he has to want to get help before anything can change. And even then there's no guarantee he could change. There's no cure for mental illness. I've got about ten years worth of receipts from psychiatrists and therapists to prove it.

Hopefully this will be a brief episode. Good luck my friend.

Thanks sweetie. You know my sister is bi-polar and my mom has been telling me about his book she's been reading called "walking on eggshells". It's crazy because so many of the things they say in the book remind me of bf.... I'm not sure what he'd be diagnosed with, but I'm positive it would be something. xoxo

I know how that feels. It weighs you down and you feel helpless. No amount of talking seems to help at times. The more you want them to talk the more upset they get. I feel for you. I really do. I hope it gets better soon.

thanks sweetie. It is a very helpless feeling. And I'm not one of those women who try to force you talk about it. In fact I'm very private and like to be left alone when I'm hurting so I give him plenty of space... I just hope he's back to himself tomorrow :)

I do too. I hope it gets better for him soon.