Thoughts Durring Class

My heart pounded. At first I thought she was only wearing a sports bra and a skirt. She was wearing a skirt and tube top with matching headband. She was beautiful. I thought back to all these feeling I've tried to suppress but have long since settled on hiding.

I wanted to go up to her forcefully take her in my arms, rip that dress off of her body and put it on my own. I try to push it down, not so far I deny myself. Just far enough that it doesn't hurt. It doesn't work, my eyes tear up a little as my breath becomes shallower.

I notice her shoes. There brown leather sandals, flats with a thong design. It might just be me but they seemed a little small for her feet. Attached are like a dozen little leaves made of the same leather that dangle in every direction. Her toenails are a sparkly purplish pink or pinkish purple to close to tell.

Throughout class my focus kept drifting to her. I pictured myself in her dress. I looked ridiculous, so I removed my body hair, shaved off a little weight (ok, who am I kidding a lot of weight) and boosted up my hair and bust. In the end I'm no longer myself but my features on her body and it makes me happy to picture. I feel a pain as that thing pushes against my lace panties. I force all thoughts out of my mind and calm it down.

I think about telling my mom again. I trust she'll be accepting. But I run over things like costs and how at this point when we can barely afford food let alone inhalers it would just be extra information that we couldn't act on and make her feel bad that I'd kept this hidden for so long. But I know I'm just making excuses, in reality I'm worried about how other family members will react, my sisters already rather judging as is my grandfather. I'm also worried about reactions from friends. On the one hand I know if there real friends they will be supportive on the other any one of them can beat my *** and almost all have blade collections. I chicken out for another day, as I have been for years.

The teacher gives us a break and I go to the bathroom. I've always hated public restrooms, a cruel and constant reminder I am a man. I use a stall though I only have to pee. Due to my fat I can usually angle it so I don't see my genitals. In one motion I pulled down my pants and my red panties, before moving my pants up slightly to hide the panties. As I pee I run my free hand down my leg, freshly shaved to just above the knee. I wash up and head back to class.

She's sitting there, playing with her hair. I check how long my hairs gotten, about to my nose. Still not long enough for a pony tail. I decided I'll tell people when I can style my hair nicely. But I know I probably won't and that's if I dont randomly cut it all off.

I didnt realize before her skirt is layered. An uneven transparent layer is draped around a more mundane skirt.

I hope one day I'll have enough courage to share my true self without the anonymity of cyberspace.
WettyHamm WettyHamm
22-25, T
1 Response Sep 14, 2012