Intense Panic Disorder

Im not sure where to start but I have had these episodes for 13 years now and I struggle with life, every day is a battle. I've had so many therapies from psychiatrists, psychologists, cbt, hypnotherapy, supplements, anti depressants, acupuncture, homeopath, group sessions, exercise to beta lockers and I still can't get rid of it. I don't function well anymore and have no confidence since I've had this illness, I like to call it a disease. I only get my attacks in the evening where as I just get anxiety in the day. I fear the fear which is a vicious circle but I'm so scared of my panic which has limited my life a lot. I'm only at my best when I am single as I can do what I want, when I want with no pressures. I fear going away on holidays or weekends away, I only feel safe at home on my own which has become very lonely. I have to think of ways of escaping with every situation, very nervous without my car which has now ruined my social life. Even going out for meals I'm nervous, so I feel I can't eat or drink. If I go away I have to have my own hotel room, I won't share just I case I'm bad, I don't want people to see it and it lasts for hours. The negativity that comes out of my mouth is quite scary for others, I have to remind them it's not me it's the panic talking. I'm now in a relationship and I'm struggling again, I feel pressured to do things I get called boring and uptight because I'm not relaxed and can't drink or enjoy myself I just want to go home. I can't go abroad this is my worst fear, people seeing it on a plane, nowhere to run and I can't get home. I haven't had a holiday for 13 years. I won't get married or have children, I'm petrified if I have an attack on my wedding day (erm where's the bride) in bed having an attack. I can't look after a chilld or give them a life because I'm a constant bag of nerves. My panic attacks begin if I go away and feel trapped I can't get home so it starts off feeling nervous, trembling, hot then cold sweats, pacing, agitated, anxious then it explodes into an attack that completely takes over my body and mind, can't breathe properly and I feel sick, It will then go so far that I am violently sick for hours until I'm empty. I then physically and mentally exhaust myself and slowly bit by bit it goes. My longest has been 8 hours and I do end up in hospital with drips in my arm as they have got so big and I've got so Ill that hospitals are the only place where I get help. Sleep takes it away as you shut down but if it's big you can't sleep it's too manic and the vomiting won't stop. There are no words for the fear that runs through me and no distraction distracts me, when it's got hold of me I have to ride the waves. It leaves me very depressed and exhausted for days. My partner struggles with it and it's a shame because he is the one for me I finally found my Mr Right, I'm 36 and want to settle down but how will I get married, how will I have a honeymoon? We are going to Cornwall tomorrow and I'm up all night panicking, it's a 6 hour drive and we will have to stay in because I can't go out at night or eat because I'm too nervous and want to be sick. I've accepted who I am now but others can't and I'm desperate to be normal again nd envious of everyone out there that doesn't have this illness & can lead normal lives. Is there something out there that can help other than what I've tried already? Has anyone been cured, is it a panic attack I have? Is there none out there like me that has overcome it? I'm just looking for help I guess as I don't know which way to turn.....:-(
Fruitbat76 Fruitbat76
1 Response Aug 30, 2012

Lyrics from, "What A Friend We Have In Jesus...Everything to God in prayer...." it may or may not be a process. that's God's call. God just want folks to acknowledge Him so speak to Him about your concerns-what ever they are. You may want to take time & meditate-you can start with what ever time you can manage-even if it's just for a few seconds get started & keep it up even if sporatically. He will help you. Amen. Also just ask Him to regulate your mind, body, soul-your life. Amen.