I Am Nightcompanion.com

My life would make a good drama film - but i emphasize, I don't regret about anything, I wouldn' t change a thing, because it was my choice. We always have options - and i picked mine. I am not ashamed.
I grew up in the Moscov orphanage. I had parents, who were alchoholics and didn't really care about me. It broke my heart, i was rather sensetive and shy.
And I decided for myself that when I grow up I will be rich and successful - and i was sure It would make me important and loved. I got a dream to go to Hollywood  to make it happen. I survived due to my dreams. When i turned 18  - all the doors seemed to be open. but indeed cruel Moscov proved different. I had no money even to get food and shelter, so I couldn't afford immigration to the US.
After a while I got a job of the bouncer in the night club. It allowed me to get things, average people have. But the best about it , was that I met Olga - 50 years old woman who offered me finacial support. She was divorced and wealthy. I was young and desperate. She was attractive despite her age - to some extend I agreed to that affair because of my son instincts - yeah, it sounds insane, but she became the substitution of my mother.
Sex with Olga was the ugliest thing I've ever done.I felt like a bastard,like astupid pervert. I really wanted her to be my mother, but not my first (!) woman. We did it almost every day. And i promised myself that It wouldn't last long, but Olga really cared about me, she loved me, supported me, my selfesteem was cured, I got rid of my inferiority complex, and what was the main thing - I learnt to appreciate WOMAN.
 I started slowly falling in love. It didn't matter that everyone around us would point at  us. It was my first special something. She discovered a man in me.
And I realized I would do anything for her. It was the happiest thing in my life!!! I believed in myself. Yeah, I was poor, without school education - but madly in love, ready to make her any wish come true. So I wanted to achieve smth without her help, to become a real man, worthy of her precious love. She was my everything - my inspiration, my hope, my girl, my wisdom, my mother.
It didn't last long. Once she just told me it was over, that I should find a woman my age. I was not going to give up.
It took half a year to get to America. I promised I''ll make her back when earn enough money to provide her with the best she could possibly imagine.
I've got h2b visa and a year permission to work in agriculture sphere. With no higher education and poor English - that was all i could.
My earnings were good for nothing, I lived in the middle of nowhere - and Olga didn't try to contact me. I was only 20.
I gave up the job and went to Hollywood. But miracle didn't happen. Once I just found myself standing on the sreet with  no change in my pocket no desire to live further - my visa was canceled as i left the working place. I hated her, I blamed her, I called her. But as always - miracle didn't happen.
I wanted to hurt her, to break her heart - stupid selfish desire, I didn't realize Olga loved me and did it for my sake.
As i mentioned above, my pockets were empty. I was about to eat **** - if  someone paid for it.
One day i was browsing on internet and found a website called nightcompanion- i registered there an forgot about it. But I soon got a response - one woman got interested in my profile and offered to meet her. My English was really awful - bur somehow we met. She turned out to be Olga's age - so my first act of prostitution was pleasant - it was a sweet remind of my love, her pale phantom. The woman turned out to be generous.
Then i liked it - I never hang ouwith girls my age, even they adressed me - I wanted those 20 years older. It became my obsession. I loved all those women - they were tender, loving, fregile, desperately seeking fo affection. They were not loved by there men - and i felt myself a saviour. We talked a lot - it was not only about  sex. We spent lots of time together.Yes they paid a lot - but If I could afford I would love them for free, though most of them  were crazy rich. I loved their stories, their painful stories, their bodies. 
I earned good money - and soon could afford to go back to my darling Ola. But my girl died last year. Yeah, almost 8 years passed. Eight years of her silence and my revenge. Eight long years of pain and emptyness.
But I kept my word. I grew up. I saved money. I was about to enter college but I am not sure I'll give up my "career". I do like my life style. I am a nightcompanion who no longer wants to be someones lifecompanion. My baby is gone and my dreams abot different life are burried with her.
So I allow women to joke about it  when they call me they say " Nightcompanion dot come .'' And  I do. It's like a spell. Sweet and painfull life, but its MY CHOICe and I don't regret. I will come to anyone who needs me, because I know what it feels like to be alone and lonely.
And miracles didn't happen.



P.S Excuse my poor English
Ivann Ivann
26-30, M
Jul 17, 2010