What Is A Best Friend?

I only joined this group to ask the question; what is a best friend?
A patchwork quilt of very wonderful people are in my life, they contribute to my experience of life on this earth in their unique ways.
When I was a kid, I was very introverted and I was only a social butterfly in my wildest dreams.  In those dreams, I could relate to anyone and everyone with ease and grace.  I could blame my parents, my genes and maybe some bad early experiences, but the fact is I didn't pursue friendships nor did I go out of my way to make people like me or at least notice me.   Worst case scenario, I could have been an annoying outsider!  But no, I just preferred a small group of friends with only 1 "bestie".  I have to admit that I do miss this very much since leaving my home town.  Now I just want to have someone that I turn to for absolutely anything and even a  hug if I need one.  My husband is great but sometimes he's too close to be what I need.

My job has made me much more outgoing than I was as a child and young adult.  But it's all a facade really.  Sometimes I stand outside of my body and cringe at myself.  It must be me but it all feels so unnatural.  My natural state is "reserved and quiet" not "boisterous and engaged".   And there just isn't any time to really devote to nurturing a friendship like that.   I've tried but something always rips it apart and now I just don't expect anything anymore.
I keep going and am thankful for the small gifts of friendship that I receive.  Thanks to all of you on EP, you are my gifts.

41-45, F
2 Responses May 3, 2011

Yuu have been my best friend on Ep for years. I hope we will still be friends in a decade.

You are a gift too...we have exchanged a few chats when I was new here and you leave a good memory in my heart.