I Have to Deal With the Choices I've Made In Ignorance

I would love to go back 20 years and carry with me all of the wisdom I have obtained through trial and error. To be able to do it all again yet with wisdom I would make an entirely new set of choices.

I would have not had sex so early and would have been careful. I would not have ever gotten married or ever had children. I would live alone

I love my husband and my children. But I would rather be alone just having to deal with myself. I'm lonely anyways in this house full of people......so why not be lonely and deal with one person instead of 6? Being in a lonely marriage is like having a room filled with millions of dollars and not being able to spend any of it. You see it every day and yet can do nothing with it.....there is no fulfillment.....

It's not that I regret having kids...i do love them....I feel bad for them having to live in such a ****** world....having to make choices with a lack of wisdom. I try to share my wisdom with them.......being young you think you know everything and every adult has their head up their ***...so most of the youth chooses to learn the hard way....just like me....

So here I am having to face the  truth that if I could go back I would do everything differently. Having to face the truth that I can't go back and I must make the best of what I have chosen.....I have to choose to either embrace it and try to live well or choose to be miserable and wallow in my self pity...

achieve achieve
31-35, F
2 Responses Feb 28, 2009

Thank you Lashanda...thank you for sharing :)

I am glad you wrote this . <br />
I really am.<br />
<br />
I have made lot of bad choose.<br />
<br />
And I am like you if I could go back.<br />
<br />
I don't think I have my child .<br />
He is going throw lot and I feel so sorry for him.<br />
I am like you . I love to have him.<br />
<br />
But I would do .<br />
And I have boyfriend but not live with him .<br />
Or married.<br />
<br />
I was think about that to day.<br />
<br />
We made those choose at the time .<br />
We thought they were the right choose .<br />
And mabe some day we will help some one with the choose we made .<br />
<br />
That some one will listen some day . And they won't have to go through what we have.<br />
<br />
Thank you it is like you read my mine to day.<br />
I felt the same way<br />
<br />
Lashanda