What I Realized About Mariage

Growing up I always said I wouldn't get married… here I am almost 7 years married to the same guy. I regret getting married so young. I was 19 had 1st child at 20 and my 2nd at 22. I have been unhappy from day one but chose to stick it out because i figured this is where God wanted me to be. This is his plans. I also figured we have kids I have to stay for them. While he is deployed at this moment, I can't wait to end this marriage. I am deciding to do it after I finish school next year. Is it wrong to use his veteran benefits to finish my school even though I plan on leaving him? I have to determine when I will do it. He loves me very much that I can tell but i am not happy to be with him. i look at him and i'm annoyed. I don't want affection, i don't care to have sex. I have told him in his face before that i don't love him or find him attractive.

These things may be harsh but that is how i felt at that time. he still wanted to be with me. i feel like the scum bag here but he is not what i want. and i keep having the urge to find someone new but really don't have time to look. i feel stuck at times because life is good financially right now and i will lose materialistic stuff like our on base housing, my health insurance, my dog :( i will miss the dog but theres absolutely no way to afford him at a rental place. My girls will be heartbroken. even though i don't want to be with my husband i still need him or depend on him through finance because he wanted me to be a stay at home mom. its what he wanted, not me. i feel like he always encouraged me to attend school and finish but i feel the need to work and do school. I feel as though I have to. from depending on parents to depending on him. i have no independence. every woman should be able to provide for themselves. I haven't had an opportunity. He is also a jerk-- throws stuff in my face, talk s*** about my family, is possessive over me, wants to control me but can't i won't let him…. list goes on I want to be Happy by myself sure it will get lonely but eventually i can get another dog and more toys for me. i think i'll be ok.
Sweetmamax2 Sweetmamax2
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 9, 2012

Plan, Plan, and Plan!
Talk with a Lawyer to see what you rights are! Maybe your education will be paid. As well as some money for you, plus money for your two children.

Most women do not plan enough.

After reading your story about your unhappiness in your marriage, Personally I think you should have just told him straight how you felt when you were younger and not let all these years pass by with all this drama, and the truth I'm sure would have hurt him at the time ,but aleast you both could have went your seperate ways in life early on. No disrespect, but why would you marry him if you weren't happy with him from day one and it also sounds like you're trying to make him look like a complete jerk, and using him for his finances and his benefits from the military is just down right selfishness and heartless. BTW I totally agree with your comment towards the end of your story, because more than likely it would be best for you to be single because it sounds like you're off that way and a relationship is too much for you.