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My Verbally Abusive Relationship

I remarried my husband 15 years ago when he got ill and had to have a very serious operation. His family wasn't going to help him and he knew it, he asked me if I would stay by his side, I said yes and we remarried so his family couldn't make me get out if he passed. Later the house was put in both of our names when we refinanced. Anyway, I spent a couple months in the hospital with him every night and would work in the daytime. He has had several hind brain surgeries for Syringomyelia and Arnold Chiari Syndrome. I used to run home to give him lunch and take care of his IV's, bathe him at night, washed him off after accidents. Then he improved somewhat, he gets around with a cane now, no more IV's, but has vision problems, his condition has made his eyes cross and had problems closing one of his eyes. They did cosmetic surgery to "uncross" his eyes, he still see double (it's in the brain) and has a prism on one lens so he sees singular. He has actually come a long way but he is not thankful for anything I have done or do. I came in the other day from mowing the front and back, while out there our neighbor man spoke to me so I responded and we spoke at the fence a few moments, Tommy saw me and when I came in later, (after 3 hours of hard work, filthy black dust on my face and exposed areas and clothing), he accused me of doing really nasty things to the neighbor and told me I was a no good m.f. and sucked you know what's (used the "c" word), he talks filthy like that to me all the time. Then again this morning at 2am he started again because I got up with my kitten and his dog, they were prancing around and I always get up to see what they need, etc., just like with a child. He cussed me out terribly, the dog and cat were upset at his loud, hateful voice. I want to leave but he threatend me and tells me if I leave I can't take anything out of this house, or my shed. I started getting my SS a couple years ago and continued to work adn decided to buy a nice bedroom outfit with my first few checks, he said I can't have it, says I can't have the dishes my mother bought me a year or so before she passed, I don't want anything, excep what is mine and I want peace in my life, I am in excellent health and shape and I would like to stay that way and enjoy what time I have left, he runs my BP up terribly, just about everyday, it scares me. I never took BP meds until he came around into my life. I divorced him the first time because he was also physically abusive, I also caught him doing a "tittie twister" on his 12 year old daughter (no father should touch his daughters body like that), he is also a drinker, not as much as prior, but when he does, he gets falling down drunk...I don't drink. He gets mad because I didn't help him up when he fell, I weigh 145, he weighs 215, and when drunk, dead weight. I have stayed because I am a Christian and wanted to make sure he got right with God and accepted God's gift of Salvation, I felt I would be wrong to leave him and he may possibly go to hell. I just want my life back but am at wits end, now I just feel depressed and think we are just sitting here waiting to die. I do go work out and I feek so good when I do but then I have to return here...hell on earth.
Sneakyd Sneakyd 66-70, F 1 Response Jan 29, 2013

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Be strong. Change is on its way.... change is inevitable in our universe!