Can't Shake The Love Connection

As sappy as this sounds, I am driven by intimacy. I can't stand the thought of sleeping with someone I don't have a connection with. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoy good sex but I would much rather make love.

Plus, if a woman is willing to have a one nigher with me, she has probably done it before and that thought alone is enough to ruin my desire.
FlauntTheImperfections FlauntTheImperfections
46-50, M
7 Responses Oct 22, 2011

I can completely get behind what you are saying, because I feel the same way... Now if I could actually experience a relationship that would be wonderful.

Thanks for the comment. Are there any occasions in your day to day life where you can meet people? I'm sorry you've not been in a relationship. Maybe go to an Anime convention. They are fun and you will definately meet people with like interests. I work in hotels that have hosted them before. You never know. :)

They don't have those here in South Africa, but maybe I will find someone in Japan when i start teaching there this year.

Good for you! It warms my heart to know that other men don't believe in "no-strings-attached" sex. There are ALWAYS strings. I'm not arguing ethics, only relationships. Being in a sexless marriage, I have considered an affair. But never a one-night stand, simply because if I let someone THAT close into my space, my world, my life, I WILL be connected, whether I want it or not! Sex carries strings, and one of those is love. I knoe, I know, others will say that's old-fashioned and it's "only sex"...but I pity them simply because if it's "only sex" they will never find out that it's so much more with the right partner. Good luck!

Thank you for the comment. :) There is a lot of truth in your words. weather we like to realize it or not, every person we interact with affects our lives in one way or another and we affect theirs. Ramp that up to sex and you have a physical and emotional entanglement that, like it or not, stays with us. I very much agree. No such thing as just sex. Good luck to you too in your situation. I know it's a difficult one.

I normally comment, then read the other responses. For some reason I did the opposite here. Thus saying, I would have responded differently. 1st Response - How nice to know that a man has scruples and is interested in a relationship first. 2nd Response - You are married? You are not free to make those decisions! No words will change the fact that it is adultery.

I think you misunderstood. I am glad you don't believe in adultery either by the way. :) I wrote this story for this group to share my thoughts and feelings on the subject. It is not a future plan but how I feel and what I've done in the past when considering being with someone. It even applied to when I met my wife. We were both very attracted to each other but we waited to get to know each other better first. I think this contributed to feeling like I married my best friend. We are unfortunately working through some issues right now but I do still lover her very much and miss my best friend. (see other stories)

Wow..its very nice that you can share your honest feelings!! You are one of the few good guys that are left..thank you for sharing!!

Thanks for the compliment. :)

Wow< I so agree! Sex is not a sport!<br />
It is an act of emotional intimacy with someone whom you care for, not just desire. It is so nice to see there are more than one of us out there!

Agreed.. Cheers!

I could never be intimate with someone without an emotional connection; I am an emotional person and I need someone who is on the same level of understanding as me, who is honest, respectful, loving and caring. Not only that, but as a nurse I am not willing to play Russian Roulette with my life, or guess the disease. Working as a correctional nurse has put me on even more guard; a man would have to have a criminal and medical background check before he got that far with me. Some say I will spend my life alone because of my high standards, but you have to in this day and time if you value your life and your future.

My aren't you a rarity. I believe sex without a connection is just too empty. I just cannot do it. Yet, I cannot help myself to not wonder, can you be real? I have never heard a man confess this openly. Of course as I am a woman I could have a very different meaning about 'connection' here. If you are referring to a connection in chemistry then that is a dime a dozen. For women, we have to be careful about what men mean about such things. Women tend to bond when a man may not and he will say it does not mean he doesn't care about her. Its just not the same thing.

I completely understand. I am a part of this community anonymously so I can say exactly what I feel without the need for lies or embarrassment. I have openly expressed the issues I have with my wife hurt me deeply because I am trying to resolve them and still love her. I didn't say this to draw attention to myself but it is still who I am.

I said connection because falling in love takes time. In my history I have waited a few weeks to have sex with a partner to make sure it is not just infatuation and that I actually have a connection with them. I won't love them just yet but I want to know I am attracted to them as a whole not just their body. I take time to get to know them first.