I Couldn't And You Shouldn't. It Isn't Actually About Sex.The past 2 years have been really difficult in my marriage. No affection then no intimacy and no sex. It got worse through the summer and came to a head in November. I had to face the possibility of divorce and began to build my life as an individual. I lined up a place to stay and figured we would end it after the holidays. I still loved my wife but I wanted to hate her so it would be easier to accept. That didn’t work. Read my stories and you’ll see how those conflicting emotions were tearing me apart. None the less, with divorce looming, I started forming friendships and flirting with women but any more than simple flirting felt uncomfortable and awkward. It was just that the feeling of being desired is so essential to one’s well being. It is difficult to realize until you are deprived of it just how much it means to you. I had gotten so depressed that I would rather have been dead than no longer feel human, feel attractive or valued by somebody. But even at this state, I didn’t cheat on my wife.
I felt miserable and detested my situation but I still respected and loved my wife even though I thought she hated me. The fact that I am Christian played a part in it also but mostly it was that though my body was asking for sex, what I really wanted and craved was intimacy. It would have been much more gratifying to me to just snuggle and kiss my wife all night than if I had sex with someone I hardly knew.
As fate would have it, Thanksgiving day, my wife and I spoke and cried… a LOT. We were both at fault for various things and we both talked about how we felt. I took blame for my part and asked her forgiveness. We both forgave each other and are now moving forward to resolve our issues together.
If you read this because you are considering an extramarital affair but searching for a reason not to, please take to heart that my wife and I were at the brink of divorce and still able to resolve our issues even after years of difficulty. Consider if sex will actually resolve anything in how you feel before cheating on your husband or wife. The physical act of sharing your body with someone else is such an intimate thing. I don't think I would have gotten past that if either of us had.
FlauntTheImperfections 41-45, M 12 Responses 6 Dec 16, 2011