I Wouldn't...however...

Anyone who knows me...knows that I've had nothing but pain all my life and never ever would I even dream about hurting someone on purpose...yet....here I am in a position where I have completely shattered someone's heart.

 

It started a few months ago. My fiance and I were having problems so I started talking to a certain guy friend more and more and more...and a few weeks later he told me how much he loved me and wanted me to be his but he knew about my fiance so he said he didn't care...he just wanted me to tell him there was hope...So....I did...and I tried so hard not to lead him on...but...I suppose....the love and affection he has for me just felt so right and so wonderful...I mean...when all you've been told all your life is that you're ugly, worthless, no one, and nothing....and that no one would ever want you...you believe that is true...but...when I was around him....all that went away....and I'm the only one he'd ever see...other girls...didn't interest him at all....I was so selfish in thinking I could keep him....

but...destiny....she gets mad when you interfere with her plans...you know....and.....I told him tonight that....we could never be....what he wanted....and he acts like he's alright...but I know he's not....I know I was his first true love....and that I shattered his heart....and that breaks mine...so much....so very very much because I've been there...on the otherside of his...wanting someone so much who I thought wanted me...just to find out...that they never wanted me all...though I do want him very much....I just can't have him....he's five years younger than me....and it would crush my fiance if he knew about any of this...

so....I never meant to hurt him on purpose....he has such an amazing heart and is so wonderful and true and pure....but I tore him to pieces which is something i will carry with me forever....so much for true love huh? ....I want him so much and I wish with every part of my being him and I could be together....but...I know we cant....

raevynvelcros raevynvelcros
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 27, 2009

Thank you

I really feel your pain. I wish you all the best.