Ashamed Or Afraid?

I personally don't think I don't come out and say that I am an Experience Project member to family and friend not because I'm ashamed, but because I fear if they'll read it, and then if they do.. What they'll think. I don't have a lot of close friends so that doesn't help, nobody that I trust enough to share my personal feelings with. This is honestly like my diary, I don't have to hold anything back and I can be 100% truthful with everyone on here because most don't judge, and the ones that do, I don't have to deal with on a daily basis. My mother and fiancé know that I blog about my situation with my fiancé being in the army, but they don't know what website I use or what my name is on that website. If any other family ever found out.. I don't know what I'd do. Partly because I'm living a double life and a good portion of my family doesn't know I even have a fiancé or am talking to the man who is my fiancé. My dad and brother absolutely hate him. My sister used to but she's coming around, although she still doesn't know we're together. But even the people that do know about my fiancé, I wouldn't want to read my stories. Even my fiancé I wouldn't. It's something about having a personal diary.. Which is what I consider this website to be.. It's my private thoughts that I choose to share with millions of strangers but not those closest to me. It's weird, but I wouldn't say ashamed.. If anything afraid, but mostly just wanting to have the privacy. Just me?
MPo189 MPo189
18-21, F
Jan 14, 2013