By Choice

I was alone for years by choice.

I had experienced a marriage that didn't go well.

Before it was completely over my mother was harassing me to date and get married again.

I wasn't interested.

I am happy that I spent the time to be alone.  Being with somebody just to be with somebody isn't how I wanted to spend my time.

Even after I found the person I wanted to spend my life with, I took my time.  I wasn't about to be rushed into anything.  There is no time clock, no stopwatch for me to get married.  If I don't get married again until I'm 95 years old, then I'm fine with that.  The man that I am with knows how I feel about marriage and he knows how I feel about him.

When I marry again, it will be for life and love not out of desperation for companionship.
WildSpectrumArts WildSpectrumArts
46-50, F
11 Responses Oct 19, 2011

I think you are right. I believe that I may be with the person right now, and it affects everything. I hate being at home and actually seek opportunities to work overtime.

Very refreshing to see someone that takes the time to find themselves, or just simply realizes that you don't need to be with someone to be happy.

I understand and agree with your thinking. I left a bad relationship a long time ago and did not find anyone special that I really click. Meanwhile I am living my life the best way I can. Learning new things, enjoying my friends and family. Even when I find someone I will be in absolutely no rush in living together, never mind getting married. It's great you found someone, I was starting to question myself if I should "look for" someone. Wondering if I "should". <br />
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But we do have many parts of ourselves as human beings (being philosophical here) and one part want to "feel". And is boring sometimes, but even in the moments I get "bored", I would not want to find someone for the sake of being with someone. There are plenty of people around. Very few that we can click deeply. Thank you for your post. I enjoyed it, just what the doctor ordered =-)

I'm glad you liked the post. I didn't go "looking for" KOS. He found me. I was minding my own business grocery shopping. You can meet the person who you are supposed to be with doing just the ordinary things you would do. I don't think you should go out of your way to "find someone." If it is meant to be, they will find you. Or you will just find each other.

You got that right. I got out of my bad marriage despite mother's nagging for me to stay with someone who was totally ****** up. I'm glad that you are with someone who loves you.

Reminds me of the following quote:<br />
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"The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage, so we get married." - Cyril Connolly

Sad quote. My story is not about sadness; it is about choice and my choice to be happy didn't require being with someone.

What a lovely post. You sound happy enough with your man without the need for marriage though I understand many still desire to do so.<br />
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I totally agree. I have now been without SO for a while now. Just my son and I. Actually last boyfriend I had was a couple of years ago. He wanted to marry me and I realised I just didn't have the feelings I should of had for him and realised I was being cruel by continuing to see him and giving false hope. I would much rather than be on my own than with someone for the sake of it.

That was very good of you to see that. I'm sure it wasn't easy to tell him how you felt but it was good that you were honest in your feelings.

I like your story especially the last line. I wish people didn't think that they HAD to be with someone. Spot on!

I was alone not lonely. I went to school, studied more about life and myself. I tried all kinds of things and my life was very full. It still is but I have chosen to not be so expansive as I was when I was in my 20s and 30s. I have focused on the things I enjoy with people I enjoy being with. If you get to know yourself really well (something that can only be discovered by spending some real time by yourself with yourself) then it is easy to choose to not be with someone. I think it is sad that so many women and men think they have to be with someone in order to feel happy or complete. You make up how you feel. You set those perimeters.

Your story gives me hope. I must ask, however, how you coped with being alone. I assume that is not necessarily the same as being lonely? In any event, I applaud you for sticking to your convictions.

I am happy that you have found the right person in me. I have always respected your decision to wait until you are ready. I'm happy that you said "when" instead of "if". Though if you wait until you are 95 I will be way over 100 years old. I would prefer not to wait that long but if it means being married to you for the rest of my life (however long or short that will be), then so be it. A future with you is all that matters to me.

I don't think the wait will be that long. Remember, good things come to those who wait.

I am so happy for you that you have the right person for you. Hopefully, one day, I will too.

Thank you. You will some day.