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Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Three Strikes, You're Out!

I have this motto: It's always good in the beginning... if it weren't good in the beginning, there wouldn't be a middle or an end. I can prove that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person, because I've been married three times. And divorced three times. And marriage, for the record, is not something I'm looking to ever, ever do again: legally bind myself to someone else's credit history; their tax obligations; their baby mama drama or their bad habits.

Although life is about constant change, and maybe I'm just jaded, but I can't seem to find a partner who will let me be ME, without trying to change me. Who doesn't, somewhere in the process, quietly attempt to assume some sort of "ownership" over me once we become "a couple". I like myself just the way I am, thank you very much. And apparently you did too, or we wouldn't have gotten this far, no?

People seem to confuse love with infatuation. Add a hint of jealousy and throw in some petty bullshit for good measure. Nope, I'm not interested in sharing a bathroom or a closet or a checkbook with anyone else again, gender aside. I no longer desire to play, "What-do-you-want-for-dinner-I-don't-know-what-do-you-want-I-don't-know" ever again. I eat whatever strikes my fancy when I'm hungry. It works for me. I don't want to do anyone else's laundry any more, or pick their stuff up, or wait for my turn in the bathroom. Gone are the days of no hot water... of someone else leaving their trash in my car... of being awakened by someone else even though I wasn't done sleeping. No more dirty dishes for me. No more emotional baggage to dodge; no more checking in if I decide to go to Wally World on a whim... and stay there for two hours. I can stay up into the wee hours of the night if I like without someone wanting to know, "What's wrong... come to bed." Nothing's wrong. It's just what I want to do, when I want to do it.

I don't have to debate over what color to paint the house. There are no bowling trophies in my decor. No beer cans on my coffee table or muddy shoes in my home. No one is expecting me to get here at any certain time, or will put me through a battery of questions if I don't get in till 3 a.m.. There's no one snoring while I'm trying to sleep. It's just me, myself, and I; and I gotta say, it would be hard to go back now. I'm fairly set in my ways; I've had plenty of relationships which always aren't quite what I'm looking for; the give and take rarely seems worth the effort. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you're "almost compatible". I'm still looking for someone who "gets me", and until I find that person, I'm perfectly content on my own. And if I never find that person? I'm perfectly content on my own.
texastomgirl texastomgirl 41-45, F 10 Responses Feb 5, 2012

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Very inpirational and on the money! Ahh still dealing with what do u want for dinner BS

Oh wow, I am so inspired by you! I like your attitude! I like that you didn't entirely break down, and are actually standing up on your own after so much struggling! Good work, and good luck :)

Well done.. Its always much better to stay on our own if we are not compatible with our partners.. Though we might feel lonely at times but a momentary flashback can remind us how better off we are without them.. All the best :)

So well said! I feel just the same way. I am dating someone really nice, but I will never live together or get married. My life would be perfect if my adult children would move out! But I'm working on this!

Thank you! that's just the pep talk I needed!!

Be true to yourself sounds good to me also.

Thank you for that post - you just gave me a "vision" for what my new life will be like (with a few customizations acourse) once I finally get out of my current <br />
( and third) abusive relationship. I think its important to have a vision for how life will look later. Now I just have to figure out HOW to get there. ;)

Peace and love to you... you just have to have the trust in the Universe that once you make a decision... decide to do it and not look back, and start exploring options, the Universe will open doors and make a way. That's what worry is, really... indecision. But once we 'decide', the worry goes away and is replaced with opportunity, with the energy that comes from taking action... YES, envision your new life. That's how we create our realities. Thanks for your comments... it's those like yours that keep me writin'....

After reading this, I contact my local DV shelter and asked if there was any way to receive services without checking into the emergency shelter. I have to see a case worker Monday at 9 who will help me develop a step by step plan to get out...providing assistance with the "after" part as well as the right now. That means that I will not only have the support but the resources to end this cycle for me once and for all. 3rd and last abusive relationship!

i have never been devorced . . . Never had a relation ship for more then a year . . . . But i love every word u said . . . . . . ( its no use if its not u ) . . . .

I could sum it up with "never settle".

Fully agree. I have been divorced since 88 and am much happier this way.

Well said