Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Three Strikes, You're Out!I have this motto: It's always good in the beginning... if it weren't good in the beginning, there wouldn't be a middle or an end. I can prove that I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person, because I've been married three times. And divorced three times. And marriage, for the record, is not something I'm looking to ever, ever do again: legally bind myself to someone else's credit history; their tax obligations; their baby mama drama or their bad habits.
Although life is about constant change, and maybe I'm just jaded, but I can't seem to find a partner who will let me be ME, without trying to change me. Who doesn't, somewhere in the process, quietly attempt to assume some sort of "ownership" over me once we become "a couple". I like myself just the way I am, thank you very much. And apparently you did too, or we wouldn't have gotten this far, no?
People seem to confuse love with infatuation. Add a hint of jealousy and throw in some petty bullshit for good measure. Nope, I'm not interested in sharing a bathroom or a closet or a checkbook with anyone else again, gender aside. I no longer desire to play, "What-do-you-want-for-dinner-I-don't-know-what-do-you-want-I-don't-know" ever again. I eat whatever strikes my fancy when I'm hungry. It works for me. I don't want to do anyone else's laundry any more, or pick their stuff up, or wait for my turn in the bathroom. Gone are the days of no hot water... of someone else leaving their trash in my car... of being awakened by someone else even though I wasn't done sleeping. No more dirty dishes for me. No more emotional baggage to dodge; no more checking in if I decide to go to Wally World on a whim... and stay there for two hours. I can stay up into the wee hours of the night if I like without someone wanting to know, "What's wrong... come to bed." Nothing's wrong. It's just what I want to do, when I want to do it.
I don't have to debate over what color to paint the house. There are no bowling trophies in my decor. No beer cans on my coffee table or muddy shoes in my home. No one is expecting me to get here at any certain time, or will put me through a battery of questions if I don't get in till 3 a.m.. There's no one snoring while I'm trying to sleep. It's just me, myself, and I; and I gotta say, it would be hard to go back now. I'm fairly set in my ways; I've had plenty of relationships which always aren't quite what I'm looking for; the give and take rarely seems worth the effort. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you're "almost compatible". I'm still looking for someone who "gets me", and until I find that person, I'm perfectly content on my own. And if I never find that person? I'm perfectly content on my own.
texastomgirl 41-45, F 10 Responses 9 Feb 5, 2012