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I Rather Be Alone

After being by myself for 10 years and having the occassional date (5) during the 10 year period, I have learned alot about myself.  I have learned that I can do most things by myself, but it would be nice to have a man (perferably my husband) around to help.  I can work and pay my own bills but, I could benefit from the extra income from a husband.  I have fun out with family and friends but, I would like to go out and slow-dance and neck with my future husband.  I am not into casual sex.  No buts on this one since so many diseases are out there and I am to scary to be sick.  I hate the fact that some people you would have to boil in order to even give them a blow job.  But I'm thinking and these last few years have been proving me right is the benefits of waiting for the "right" person.  I have witnessed my sisters in relationships and they seem to have no foundations of trust, friendship, or love.  It is mostly lust driven.  It seems that people are "hooking-up" based on looks and for what they might have instead of what drives them and how do they go about lifes' challenges.   However, when the glamour goes away they are stuck and disappointed.  I highly believe that women shouldn't even let a man "scratch and sniff" unless she knows without a doubt he is worthy of you.  Can he help take care of you and any children you might have or plan to have?  Do they work or are they go-getters?  Can they handle theirs and are you willing and able to help them handle things if necessary?  This is not a note to only women, but to men as well.  Can she answer any of the questions above without a doubt in your mind that she is being honest?  I wasn't trying to wag my finger at anybody.  Just a note to those in EP land that know they are good people and deserve the best!!!  My sisters are fine with the choices they have made and life does go on, but for me I want the best...(good enough for me).  I understand that nobody is perfect and I can deal with any challenge that comes my (hopefully our) way.  Another perk of being by myself.  Am I happy?  Yes, I am.  I hope these words do not **** anybody off, but inspire you.  This topic made me think of a Karen White song called "I rather be Alone"  here is a taste of the chorus.   I won't be a fool, a fool for love.  Cause I know I rather be alone then be here unhappy, oh no.  I'm not gonna choose, choose for you.  Cause I know I'd rather be alone then be here unhappy.  (This is my fave part of that song)  I'm never gonna be a fool for love (I rather be alone)  I rather be alone just give it up. Don't make no sense to be " inlove" and be here unhappy.  OH NO.  Ya might feel good on a lonely night but laying in your arms today ain't right.  I'd rather lose you then lose my mind and be here unhappy. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I don't wanna be a fool for love.  To those who have ears listen........... 

lilyiam07 lilyiam07 31-35, F 9 Responses Nov 7, 2008

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i can agree with you. i've been alone my whole life- never had a girlfriend, and still a virgin. but your right, i can do anything without being tied down. but at times, ...it does get real lonely, especially at christmas time and holidays. but i think the positives outweigh the negatives here. =) take care.

No sweetie not all the guys that are around you is bad, you haven't connected with the right one yet. The same goes for me too. We must be patient and real, true love will come. DO NOT SETTLE EVER EVER. I agree and hope you continue to keep your head up and stay focused on the prize. Stay Strong. -lily

This story has inspired me to look at my own situation again. For the past ten years I have looked for "the one", of course the first three it was illegal for me to marry. I would have settled for a boyfriend though. I've been flirted with and checked out, but nothing has ever come of it. I am just so tired of being completely alone. I've never had a boyfriend or even went on a date. I also believe that there should be a commitment before sex. Casual is something I have never gone for. So far I haven't foun dthe guy who agrees with me. I hope this means that all the guys around me are wrong and not that there is something wrong with me. Reading your story has shown me that there are others in this situation and the replies have helped me too. They've given me the strength to hold my head up a little longer. Thanks. I hope you find him soon.

Great story and good insight. thanks

Ahahahaha - that comment about 'boil before blow' cracks me up Lily!<br />
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Seriously though, I want to be sure I am that independent woman who knows that she doesnt 'need' a man before I take the next steps in my relationship. Your outlook is inspiring - love is precious and should be treated as such.

The response to this story is unbelievable. I thought people were gonna make fun, but its nice to see that people do feel the same way. I am happy for you talo and it DOES give me great hope that my complimentary half will come into my life as well. I wish you and yours asweet weekend. -lily

I too would rather be alone than with the wrong person, or as the saying goes:<br />
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"Better to be at the foot of the mountain than halfway up the wrong one."<br />
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I chose to be on my own for 18 years, & then my complimentary half came into my life.

hairylady recommended this story to me today. I am so glad she did. I find it to be very inspiring. So many people do just 'settle" so they are not alone. I know what that is like. I speak from experience when i say it's better to be lonely than in a heart breaking relationship. You have been wise to be careful with yourself and your heart taking time to find out who you really are. Now you know what it is you need and desire in a partner. That will help so much in finding that"right" person and have a loving lasting relationship. it will come i wish you all the best!!

Thank you for the inspiring story. I'm gonna have to recommend it to my friends :) I dream of living on my own like that. Love it!