But Still... How Do You Know For Sure When It's Right?

A lot of things to think about. So many questions I wish I had the answers to. I think in finding "the one"... you have to take the good with the bad. I don't think anyone could be every ideal you aspire them to be. You just have to love and accept them for who they are. Before I got in my current relationship I had lists of "qualities" that I wanted to find in someone. I have no issue with being alone,(I actually prefer it).. So for me, it's easier.  I would never be with someone just because I didn't want to be alone. I'm with someone now...and still am alone most of the time. But my dilemma is knowing for sure whether they are right or wrong for me.

Upon meeting my girlfriend....She seemed like a "perfect fit"..... but the qualities I initially fell for...were just "surface" qualities. Yes, we liked the same things... Yes we had good conversation and similar beliefs. We seemed to understand each other...we had a "connection".

But as time goes on.... I wonder if the things I love about her are enough to compensate for the things I dont. As i go deeper.... the person whom I thought would be my ideal, ends up not being so. I love her and I want to accept the faults(or what she lacks)... but does that mean I'm settling for what I don't really want? We throw people away too easily... cast them from our lives because they are who they are..and not everything we want them to be. Maybe over time we'll learn to love the things we once didn't like about them. Maybe learn to appreciate them for what they are rather than what they aren't. But what if we don't? Can you live, knowing that someone else "might" be out there who could give you what you want? And would you wait or search in vain? Chasing an illusion?

I don't think one person can fulfill ALL you needs and expectations. I think we tend to expect too much, sometimes. But what if it's a major thing? The major thing for me is, I want some one who is sensitive, not so numb...in-tune and attentive to my emotions, a deep soul. Is that person still out there for me? Have I grown too comfortable in this relationship...so I don't want to leave? Do I believe that she's as good as it gets? We have to "learn to love one another"... for ALL that we are and are not.  I might leave her and find someone that can give me what she can't... but is that person gonna be able to give me all that she can and has? I don't know. Who am I to say that we are not meant to be, that she's not right for me? How am I to know? At times, she's ALL I ever wanted....and other times, she falls short.... Some days I think she's completely wrong for me.

I don't think I'm anyone's "ideal" woman. So.... How can I expect anybody to be mine? I'm going to stay with her... Call me a "sell out"... say I settled for less than what I deserve. But if she's not the one... I guess she's the "prototype" 

QueenOfConvenience QueenOfConvenience
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Cannibalistic puppy, thank you!!! It did help.... I did go walking "tried" to clear my mind. I understand what you said about over-thinking the relationship... I admit I do over-analyze..and it just stresses me out and makes me crazy. I came to the conclusion to not waste anymore time in this relationship. I'll be her friend, if she wants and needs that. But I can't go on with the way things have been going the last year. Sometimes loving someone just isn't enough. I love her, but it's apparent that neither one of us makes each other happy. We don't even talk anymore. She lost her mother around New Years and I have been trying to be understanding and be there... but she's completely closed off... It's like she's numb she can't feel anything... no emotions, passionless, apathetic, cold. I hate to leave her in a time like this... but she acts like she doesn't really want me around anyways. I don't know... it's a tough situation... but I can't let her take my love for granted anymore.. it's went on long enough. <br />
<br />
Your right, "what's meant to be will be".... I can't change her... I don't want to change her. I just need someone a little more sensitive, someone who is deeply in touch with their emotions. She never talks about her feelings...she hates getting all "mushy gushy" and opening her heart, being vulnerable. I know I need that it my significant other.... I've waited it out for her... to see if maybe I could tear down some walls.... I just don't think it's going work. <br />
<br />
Thank you so much for your input... I can tell you've had some experience, I appreciate it. <br />
haha and thanks I do write poetry!!! Maybe I'll share some on here, sometime. :D

Well, That was beautiful, and you seem like a very smart person indeed.. From what I can see it seems you've got enough of it figured out, and from what I understand, since I dont know how long you;ve been with her you just need a little more 'Time' how much time? only time will tell xD But when you over think things they just get harder... What helped me... because when I really cared about this person (now I forgot this.. cus it was so long ago and it was a the beginning of our relationship.. andwe ended up lasting almost 2 years which is.. decent for my age I suppose) I always let my mind rest and get my mind off the stessful stuff when it came to me and my significant other... I cleared my mind of all the things I was unclear about, because all I knew was that I loved him and he made me happy, and that was all that mattered.<br />
<br />
Now there's always that fear that maybe there is someone else better, or sometoimes you're afraid to hurt them cus they're better to you then you are to them.. But let me tell you this.. If you really LOVE her clear your mind.. and remember that she's that "someone" right now... and in my oppinion you can only have ONE someone and cherish it.<br />
<br />
and if it just still doesnt seem right after you clear your mind, and give it time..<br />
Then just remember.. whats meant to be WILL be (thats what keeps me going)<br />
I know this isnt much help.. but thats all that I could give..<br />
<br />
Good luck. (:<br />
<br />