Its Hard Sometimes, But I'm Proud To Be Myself

I'm not loud and opinionated, but I do have opinions and not everyone likes them. I will say if I'm becoming obnoxious, and I dont know what I'm talking about, I'll back off but for things I do know, I'll let you know. I dont take any prisoners, but I can make enemies and that's okay. I dont live to flatter or kiss anyone's ***... but honest compliments, honest flirting and outpouring of verbal affection to beloved friends and love ones, definitely and it always comes from the heart even if my heart is a little off beat(haha) sometimes.

People hate if I reveal them; if you've been my friend for a long time, you will eventually find yourself "naked". Some dont like it and throw it back to me and I take it just as much. I can tell if I found a good friend if they give me back as much as I throw to them. I'm not deliberately harsh, but it does really depend on the day and how I feel!

For some reason no one appreciates a person who is barebones honest any more. I mean, I will get admirers and people who applaud that I tend to "tell it like it is" even the not so nice side of life. Maybe its my delivery? I can be a little.."passionate" sometimes and just plow on ahead without thinking, wearing people down, even if it isn't intelligent just so I can get the last word in, however, when I'm calm and have my bearings and facts I can argue with the best of them which some find impressive because honestly some people look at me and think since I'm black and heavy I must be "stupid" and inarticulate. And, despite being passionate, I realize I can get people "fired up" because I put feeling and warmth into what I say...I hate that I scare some people more than I attract but its who I am.

Me and a close friend were having a heart to heart some months ago and he confessed to me( because he never one to open up) that he admires the fact that I have courage and strength. He told me that he finds it amazing that most of the stuff I've been through I just get up and push on through with, whereas he probably wouldve killed himself or hid in shame. Thing is, I'm not strong all the time- and if I give illusion that I am its just because I dont think on it too much. I break down and cry just to occasionally "let off the pressure".  Thats the side of me I would like folks to see, too. You see my wiseass comments or me strongarming my opinion on questions and confessions around EP..well, that is apart of me but its not the whole of who I am.
Lov3intheasylum Lov3intheasylum
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

Love this post. I love how you admit your weaknesses but also your strengths. You go girl!! :)

Thank you. I just think in general, its the whole of who we are: good and bad, strong and weak and mostly right in the middle

You madame are a smart lady!!

Shucks, thanks :3