Life is hard and at times the things you experience are despicable. But it is far too obvious that you can't dwell on the past. It won't change it. Might as well be happy having survived it. With a semblance of normalcy. Then just move forward maximizing what ever it it you can get out of life. Given ridiculous amounts of thought. I realized something obvious. Why not do everything within your ability, mood included, to maximize the joy from life. Even if you fail, or in my case laugh instead of cry in a sad kind of way, than so be it.