Coming Out? In a Sense.
It started over a year ago. I've always been concerned about my weight, even though most people would say that i am the perfect size. I played sports in high school and never thought about how i looked. Now that I'm in college it is all i think about. I'm not involved in sports anymore so i think i have to work out to stay thin. I've never been the best eater, but I'm learning to eat my veggies and fruits everyday. It's a constant thought in my mind. What am i going to eat today? How many calories did i have already? Should i be eating this? I'm sick of worrying about these things, but i can't seem to think of anything else. I finally found a man who makes me feel good about myself, but the damage started way before he was around, so its hard to stop it now. I remember the first time i made myself throw up. My eyes entirely red with burst blood vessels. I didn't know what to tell people when they asked what happened to me. I lied of course, and even wasted money on a Dr. just to ease my parents' concerns. Now I've been doing it ever since. Not every day, but more often than i would like to admit. I can go a whole day not eating unhealthy and then by the end of the day, when I'm alone and bored, i binge, and purge. Anything that might have too many calories is bound to come up sometime that day.
I have wanted to stop for a long time. It makes me sick even to think about. I want to tell someone i know and get some support, but I'm too ashamed. Today, i read into Bulimia and its affects and it scared me to death. I always knew about the skin and teeth, but never the heart failure and those serious things. My uncle just recently passed away from what could have been an aneurysm. He was very sick and was throwing up a lot. When i thought about that something snapped in my head like, maybe i should get help before something terrible happens to me and no one knows why. So here i am, getting my story out. Trying to get better. Strength is my weakness but I'm going to work hard to overcome it.
If anyone who has gone through this can help, please do. I want my life back. Thanks