I Would Say This to Bulimia

I hate you for making me feel like I need you. I hate you for stealing my money. I try not to care what you have to say to me but it is hard. I wish I never met you. I wish I never flirted with your ways. I don't actually focus on my weight, I focus on the habits you have caused me to form. I will break them. I know I can. I have never felt more vulnerable until you came into my life. I feel like such a failure when I succumb to you. This is why our friendship, our relationship, our MARRIAGE cannot work. We are not one, we never will be. You are not me. You cannot tell me what to do and I do not have to do as you say. I will overcome you. It will take time and effort, but I DO NOT NEED YOU. 

 2/20/09

This is my first day for over a year that I have not thrown up even once. I'm so proud of myself. You can't enslave me forever. I will fight you with everything I have. While throughout this day, you tempted me to fall back into my habits, I proved myself and mainly you wrong. I can't promise myself that I will be this strong every day, but now I know I have what it takes to fight you.  I'm scared of what this means for me. I'm scared of being on my own, for you have acted like a faux support system. You told me that I could deal with my stress, shame, pain... by separating myself from reality, by focusing on one thought that no woman, no man should ever have to trick themselves into believing. I know you won't leave without a fight and I know you will try to live inside of my like a latent virus waiting to erupt again when I am at a weak hour, but I will try with all my might to escape from your grasps. I know I can outwit you because I am alive and I am in existence and you are just a deceiving desire. I am capable of making healthy decisions.

edm74 edm74
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 19, 2009

:) well done. Don't let it win. I can't really give much advice myself but I truly hope you beat this.

Thank you, I'm trying really hard. It's so hard to escape such a habit. :/

Hang in there its hard to stop, and to get over and you'll slip here and there but its worth the fight hang in there