I Am An Ex-prostitute

It started with me getting offered a job by a black man the job was suppose at a crisis center. I told the guy that I was interested in the job so he gave me his number and said to call him the next day so we could set up a test run. I called him the next day and told me to meet him at the ez-8 hotel so I meet with the client. Went to the room number he gave and as soon as I walked in he grabbed and undressed me and started to raped me so I screamed and was trying to fight him off but pushed me onto the bed and tied and gaged me and contiuned to rape me for hours. He made me get on all fours and continued to rape me for another three hours. He untied me and told me to clean myself up and get some sleep. He told me if I tried to get away he would kill me and my family. He told I had a client in the morning and he told me to get the money($150) up front and then give the client what he wanted. It was the begining of prostitution for me. The damn pimp gave me a goal and made me stand on the corner or work the net until I made the goal. To be able to prostitute myself out to a trick I was have to be high so I got addicted to crystal meth. The pimp beat my *** because I would spend some of the money that I was making to give him on crystal.I almost got killed by one of the tricks because we got into because he paid me for for the service but as I was leaving he flip out on me cause he was a an Iraq war vet that have PTSD and was reliving being injuried in Iraq. The damn pimp beat my *** that night because I took to long with the trick and was short some money cause I decided to get high on some crystal. Sorry I am rambling...I finally got the strength to get away from the pimp (when I found out I was pregnant)with the help of a trick that gave me a safe place to stay and he gave me a job . Sometimes I just cry about it and I keep reliving the experience of being forced to engage in prostitution but it was my own fault and I deserved what I got. I feel lonely and depressed and dont deserve to be happy because of the way the tricks treated me and the way the pimp treated me I have no self-respect left and I have no that understands what Ive been through but now I am trying to get my life back to normal for me and my daughter. This experience has made me appericate things more.
Thanks for reading it.

18-21, F
4 Responses May 6, 2012

Nobody deserves that!
You are a victim and you should hold your head up high for you have done nothing wrong.
Be proud for being a strong woman that escaped.
Seek a counselor if you need one.
But be proud of who you are. And that is a very strong lady!

Sex should be enjoyed. Have you ever enjoyed sex?

It does to me. I hate the thought of people being forced to do stuff they don't like. I'm biased at times due to associating how people look with experiences I've had. I strive to be open minded. I'm better at being open minded.<br />
<br />
Learning from but not living by the past.

Sorry about your experience. Does the pimp being Black make a difference?

No it doesnt make a difference that the pimp was black I just couldnt remember the guys name so i wrote it like that