My Life Between Pages

I have always written in a journal. Even after I received my first computer, I kept hand-writing in a paper journal instead of having it on my computer. I never thought of it as being therapeutic until my husband died. Then it really did become my therapist. (I have never had a therapist.)  I have been told a therapist just sits back and listens, while very seldom making any commits. I could do that with my cat! Talk, that is, without getting any sort of reply and not having to pay one cent. (Money is very tight.). 

I have one whole journal with nothing other than my thoughts, sadness, life and feeling pertaining to all that went on within me after my husband's death. I wrote in it sometimes, several times a day. I screamed and cried through words on those pages. It has been over three years now and I have not opened it to read. It is on a shelf in my bedroom. Sometimes, I glance at its bright red binding and then quickly turn my eyes from it. I am not sure if I will ever read it. But, I know.... it is filled with a story I never and I mean not ever want to live again. 

thejournalwriter thejournalwriter
56-60, F
1 Response May 12, 2012

I'm sorry that you have lost your husband. I really think that the journal should remain unopened. There are some raw memories contained there that you may not want to revisit.