Leaving A Journal

I love to write. I have written since I learned to put down my rattle and pick up a crayon. Once I learned that pencils had erasers...I was in heaven! I look back on some of my journals and wonder what was I thinking! I am almost tempted to rip those pages out. Then I stop and I just can't do it. It would be like disrespecting what I had to say. If I disrespect myself then what was the purpose of putting down what I had to say? It mattered then, so it still matters.

When I was older and raising a family, I hardly had time to write anything down other than a shopping list or a "To Do" list and the one thing that was not on that list was to journal. I am really sorry that I didn't write then because I had a lot to say and it all had to do with my marriage and my family. It was wisdom in words that I hope that my husband, son, or daughter will remember. Now that my children are older and I have some more time to myself I have found that settling joy in writing again. Though I am not as abundant in my thought as I was when I was younger. For those times when I feel the need to write, but have no inspiration I flip through my book of quotations. Any quote that catches my eye or pencil point, which ever comes first, I will give it some thought and write down my own interpretation of the quote. I can get pretty Walter Cronkite'ish with that.

Another way is if I find myself telling myself something I should have said after having a disagreement with someone, I will write down what I should have said. It's a great way to resolve something when it's still fresh in your mind. Now that is something that I may need to rip out....nah. No one should be reading it, right? Well, if they do then I've moved on to the land of pencil nubs and it doesn't matter what they are reading because they can't ask me, "WTF did you mean by that!"
clemderk clemderk
51-55, F
May 17, 2012