This Is The Only Way To Express My Feelings Through Writting.

I write down how I feel "But" people don"t know how much I hurt. I know that because they can"t hear my voice the tune the stutter the pain. Sometimes I feel that sucide is the right thing to do. To take me away and give me anything to distill this awful hell I live in... Morphine,valium etc I at times want it all! Just to wash away my fading soul for good.Leave my Lifeless cold body behind guns,ropes,kniefs. I would ask "God" to take this life from me.To let me die. Erase the suffering .When you say you Love me and at times I don"t believe you. How can this be.. I sit here crying on the edge of my bed and you can see the problems the pain etc.I am weakness My true love seals you! Now look at me and see the pain in my eyes when over 20 years ago you let me live.I just don"t feel like that I belong. I keep trying because of my Daughter. My Daughter is the true meaning of my life I love her with all my heart "But" this life I am living is so hard. I want to know what true happiness is again. Well thats my story about why I write about my Life. I don"t want it but it is not in my control...The only thing that is in control is My Love for my Daughter.....Anto815
Anto815 Anto815
46-50, F
3 Responses Jul 24, 2010

I so hope you will be ok! I get very depressed kills me inside! Reading your story, I could feel your desperation to get out.Please don't go! Lean on god even harder! God bless you ! Im so sorry for your pain and suffering!

HI Friends....Thankyou all for taking the time and reading my story it really means alot to me. Thank you one and all for your kind words...Im sorry it has taking so long to reply. Thanks again and have a nice day.

The mere thought of not wanting to be entertains us all at some point in time, but even after the end has taken place there will still be no rest if on has not truely accepted Jesus. I too have many of times wondered what is the point in continuing through sometimes lifes emptiness but there`s always that glimmer of hope of what if. What if I just hold out just a little bit longer. What if the patience needed allows the doors of blessings to come through. The question is what if. There are no resolves in the search of relief through the breath that one may try to dimiss. Try to continue, through faith it will come ..<br />
Thoughts to be shared