A Vent I've Been Waiting For The Longest Time.

I put on a mask to cover my emotions whenever I'm with "loved" ones to hide my sadness and anger towards them. I've had to change myself to fit my family's standards of "normal", but I don't think it was worth it to change a huge part of me. I've had to lie about many things as I was growing up because I was told to, but I wanted to tell the truth so badly. My own mother said that it was "sad" that I had no faith in anything, but I had to hold my tongue because I actually respect other people's decisions. The sadness of being abandoned by people you love for doing nothing absolutely wrong. Being insulted and shoved away whenever trying to help a friend in need who asked for help, which leads to my question of why I must be kind in the first place. Promises between my most special one that she broke easily. Now, ignored and avoided by the few friends I had left. None of they go well with the severe depression that has been building up over the years. Is it wrong to hope that at least one person would ask me for a change "Are you okay?" and actually mean it? I used to have someone I can talk with these things about but I feel as if I'm a bother whenever I bring up a personal problem about me.

Should I be selfish for a day and just ask for help from my friend? Is being kind really worth it?

I'm sorry, I tried to summarized a few of my problems as best as I could, but I probably just threw in tons of things in there that don't make sense together. I just kept typing.
stmaut stmaut
18-21, M
Sep 10, 2012