Life Goes On..........

And life goes on. Yes I know that. But, it also hurts. I see you but you don't see me. You walked out of my life, but thats right you never really were in my life. I was just fun. Do you have any idea how much I don't like hearing I'm fun. I'm fun, but not fun enough for you or anybody else.
You walked out of my life, just like that. You didn't even turn around to see me trying to keep from crying. It was all fun and games for you, and then it got real. You weren't ready for that were you.? When it hit you, you got sick. So sick, but it was too late. You could/wouldn't change it. But, you could have made it easier, but you didn't do that either. You just stepped aside and let it be.
You once told me to stand up for myself. HA!!!! All I did was stand up for myslef. I think you are the one who needs to except what you did and you need to stand up and take ownership. You made a choice. We all make choices, and not all of those choices are good ones. But stop passing the buck. Own it, except it and tell me you're sorry.
Then we managed to sort of be friends again and you seemed happier. But then you let me walk away. Maybe you feel that its better this way. I don't know. To me, you chalked it all up to an experience and I'm now tossed in the corner. Maybe I should do that too. Maybe thats what I'm doing now. I'm going to try.
My last day you could have waited for me, but you didn't. I watched you. It looked like you were looking for me a little. Maybe you weren't. What if I had come up to you? WOuld you have said goodbye. Would you have hugged me? Would you have wiped my tears away? If you had seen me, would you have come to me, or did you want me to come to you?
It's December 1st........your favorite time of year. Mine too. Soon the haliday will be over and you'll say, there goes another one. But this year I won't be there for you to say that to. Will that make a differance? Probably not because life goes on. Stop letting life go on and stand up and enjoy the moment. Even if that moment hurts by saying goodbye to a friend.
I wish we had 1 day.........not just a few minutes...........1 entire day. Let me cry. Let me say what I want to say. Hold me, love me, and maybe a few answers. But I guess if we did that it would be hard for both of us to let go of that 1 day and we would want more, and we both know, that there wouldn't be another day. Maybe someday, but not now.

Love you always and forever. Enjoy whatever you do ...because as you goes on
jrabbit1321 jrabbit1321
46-50, F
1 Response Dec 1, 2012

It's been 4 months since I wrote this and I still feel the same way. 1 day.............yeah right, what am I saying. I know I want more than 1 day. We talked today for a few minutes. Thank you for that. It was a beautiful day and talking to you just made it a little bit better. You said no to giving me a hug but you did talk with me for a few minutes. O I said that already......see how much that meant to me. You said that Mike told you about the job offer. Cool, I guess I figured he would but it would have been nice to be the one to tell you. You said congratulations. Thanks. You said you'll be fine. Thanks.....of course I will, I don't have much choice in that matter do I. I do believe you have said that to me before and that was my response then. I think you were trying to be encouraging but we walk that line. Why can't we hug? Hahaha, I think I know that answer, but, I'm sorry I think we should be able to hug and just be there for the support we used to give each other. Because to me, our friendship was there long before everything else. You go on vacation next week, have a great time and safe trip. And maybe we can have a few minutes when you get back. :)