I Write Poetry
The Grueling pace of Denying Pain.
(c)2003.
I remember when I found you it was a cold winter.
I had just moved out of the snow into a much warmer place.
like a bird flying south for the winter.
My true home was always to the north.
But I Dealt with you.
Even though I never felt quite right.
I Found something there I Will always cherish.
But I lost a piece of myself that day
that I've all but forgotten about.
My capacity to feel for someone that is too much like me
I spent 3 years of my life telling you
at every possible moment that I loved you.
I Don't know how long it took me to realize that
I Actually meant it.
But it was before me somewhere in the 9th
year I had slaved away.
When it all hit me I Wanted you so badly.
I Don't remember much of what I Felt
but I Remember it was intense.
you were able to write away my deepest
depression in a matter of seconds
and all that mattered was you.
it was sweet.
Years withered away.
You found someone that could satisfy you more
immediately and I Tried to do the same.
I wasn't able to hide you from her and live with myself.
I Should have just left you to keep her
I Think it was about finding revenge for what you
did, but when I found emotion for another.
Guilt overwhelmed me,
even when I tried to eat I Found I could not
because I was too guilty.
It was Her, or starve.
I had to do it
I Told her
She of course withered away
and learned to replace her love
with her hate
I tried to tell you so many times
that I Shouldn't of ever have done it
and neither should you.
We worked too well together and I simply
loved you too much to allow it to happen again
Somehow the thought of keeping things
closed was never going to last.
It was completely unrealistic to expect it.
I remember when things started to fall apart
I Would sometimes shake all day and cry myself to sleep.
I was mentally unable to stop thinking about it
and you shut me out, you refused to speak to me because
you were tired of pampering me
It's hard for me to explain just
how I Was abused because it hurts so much
that I can't even really talk about it.
I've taken a vow of silence about you and
though I've tried to express just how deeply you hurt me
The harder I look the deeper it goes.
And today I was reminded of just what you had done to me
And It ripped right under my flesh and turned me inside out.
Though the situation was not the same and I Was the one in the wrong.
It's horrible to think your family could have such a cruel revenge,
even if it was unintentional.
I Would spend all day waiting to talk to you,
so that I Could fixes things because I knew they
would work out if I Could just talk to you.
I tried to explain why I Didn't want to let you go.
You couldn't take it.
I was betrayed.
How can you say that you don't feel sorry inside?
I remember your words like you would
remember the scent of burning flesh.
if you had been alive during those times.
"I'm tired of taking care of you.
You need to solve your own problems or
find someone else who will.
I will not listen to this anymore.
goodbye."
I Have tried for a little over a year to forget the vividness of how I would shiver, and shake violently into the night, sleepless nights, and how sleep would only come when I was too tired to move.
When you say I caged you like a bird
What exactly do you really mean?
You had the option all along to walk away and leave.
But you never took it
You allowed things to get worse
and for me to want you more and more
until you finally let me go.
The only reason I ever let you go is because
I didn't even have the physical strength
to keep typing my arguments to you.
The amount of pain you dealt me you will never begin to understand.
And when I needed you the most, just to say you're sorry.
You abandoned me and you left me to rot.
You never considered my emotions and you had your own agenda.
Telling me 3 days after we broke up that you would help me so it didn't happen again.
Was hardly a solution to what you had done.
I understand that I Relied on you a little too much
and I used you as a crutch
But Love is being able to go to someone when you are down.
Something you never gave me the choice to do...
I was betrayed...
How can you say that you don't feel sorry inside?
(c)2003.
I remember when I found you it was a cold winter.
I had just moved out of the snow into a much warmer place.
like a bird flying south for the winter.
My true home was always to the north.
But I Dealt with you.
Even though I never felt quite right.
I Found something there I Will always cherish.
But I lost a piece of myself that day
that I've all but forgotten about.
My capacity to feel for someone that is too much like me
I spent 3 years of my life telling you
at every possible moment that I loved you.
I Don't know how long it took me to realize that
I Actually meant it.
But it was before me somewhere in the 9th
year I had slaved away.
When it all hit me I Wanted you so badly.
I Don't remember much of what I Felt
but I Remember it was intense.
you were able to write away my deepest
depression in a matter of seconds
and all that mattered was you.
it was sweet.
Years withered away.
You found someone that could satisfy you more
immediately and I Tried to do the same.
I wasn't able to hide you from her and live with myself.
I Should have just left you to keep her
I Think it was about finding revenge for what you
did, but when I found emotion for another.
Guilt overwhelmed me,
even when I tried to eat I Found I could not
because I was too guilty.
It was Her, or starve.
I had to do it
I Told her
She of course withered away
and learned to replace her love
with her hate
I tried to tell you so many times
that I Shouldn't of ever have done it
and neither should you.
We worked too well together and I simply
loved you too much to allow it to happen again
Somehow the thought of keeping things
closed was never going to last.
It was completely unrealistic to expect it.
I remember when things started to fall apart
I Would sometimes shake all day and cry myself to sleep.
I was mentally unable to stop thinking about it
and you shut me out, you refused to speak to me because
you were tired of pampering me
It's hard for me to explain just
how I Was abused because it hurts so much
that I can't even really talk about it.
I've taken a vow of silence about you and
though I've tried to express just how deeply you hurt me
The harder I look the deeper it goes.
And today I was reminded of just what you had done to me
And It ripped right under my flesh and turned me inside out.
Though the situation was not the same and I Was the one in the wrong.
It's horrible to think your family could have such a cruel revenge,
even if it was unintentional.
I Would spend all day waiting to talk to you,
so that I Could fixes things because I knew they
would work out if I Could just talk to you.
I tried to explain why I Didn't want to let you go.
You couldn't take it.
I was betrayed.
How can you say that you don't feel sorry inside?
I remember your words like you would
remember the scent of burning flesh.
if you had been alive during those times.
"I'm tired of taking care of you.
You need to solve your own problems or
find someone else who will.
I will not listen to this anymore.
goodbye."
I Have tried for a little over a year to forget the vividness of how I would shiver, and shake violently into the night, sleepless nights, and how sleep would only come when I was too tired to move.
When you say I caged you like a bird
What exactly do you really mean?
You had the option all along to walk away and leave.
But you never took it
You allowed things to get worse
and for me to want you more and more
until you finally let me go.
The only reason I ever let you go is because
I didn't even have the physical strength
to keep typing my arguments to you.
The amount of pain you dealt me you will never begin to understand.
And when I needed you the most, just to say you're sorry.
You abandoned me and you left me to rot.
You never considered my emotions and you had your own agenda.
Telling me 3 days after we broke up that you would help me so it didn't happen again.
Was hardly a solution to what you had done.
I understand that I Relied on you a little too much
and I used you as a crutch
But Love is being able to go to someone when you are down.
Something you never gave me the choice to do...
I was betrayed...
How can you say that you don't feel sorry inside?
Age:
26-30
,
Male
