Martyr Inside

i look at myself in the mirror and

fail to recognize the girl there.

i had cultivated this martyr inside

dead eyes


and it's hard to negotiate

my identity now.

i'm not brave.

i walk idly beside

raging, yes

or acquiescing, yes

or numbly indifferent to the leader


not like this girl

this girl has a machete

this girl is cutting a path

this girl has left victims in her wake

there is no martyr in me

there is a seeker

a lion

a dead girl rising

this girl has hope.

fear is a fire burning her alive

fear devours her daily

but she is still trailblazing

she is still seeking

she still has hope.

Joannie, if I could pretend to be your future self, I would say this to you:

Because of your strength, because of your endurance, because you ******* plowed through,

I am happy now.

I am free.
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May 19, 2012