Five Years

what you're saying is shadowed
by five years of neglect
your back turned to my need
your heart kept from me.

today, after hearing your heart wrench
your tears choke
I stumbled on a poem you wrote
I don't know when.

I didn't even read it.
I put it down.
I look at our daughter
who has your eyes, my frown.

You say you want me to remember
when your hand brushed mine
when your clever plans saved us
when you loved divine.

My memories are heavy
grey and white
scenes of urgent effort
scenes of doubt.

Before this is over
I cannot imagine what I'll face
thoughts of you distended
thoughts of you cut down.