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Lava Flow Mind

The coil of pressure is slow to unwind.
Paranoid thoughts in turmoil and bind.

Taught is the sinew, strung wrought with regret,
Never such pain that one can never forget.

The grip of reality slowly slips from my hand as
tears and emotion drain from the hour glass sand.

Pleasantries once welcome harbour deceit and deception
No pause for forgiveness or mindful reflection.

A mind like a mirror of shattered desires.
A soul burning anger in volcanic fires.

Destiny is elusive and so shrouded in grief.
Life time is the killer, a most murderous thief.

Like a leper of society who is so much reviled.
This is the existence of a man who once smiled.
 
EnternalSoul
{Letting the lava flow}
EnternalSoul EnternalSoul 46-50, M 2 Responses Nov 2, 2012

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Awesome :)

it isn't : (

it isn't?

unfortunately, no...

why? ...

I've explained below - in reply to another comment. You can read why there, if you like. : )

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This work really flows well. The rhyming does not seem forced at all, and each word seems to be exactly where it belongs. I love the end of how it says how he once smiled and the betrayal of society now that he does not. The words in this piece are each very powerful and I love the entire thing. Great Work!

Thanks :) ...

it doesn't flow so good at all, unfortunately.
the rhymes are clumsy, the timing is jerky, and the phrasings convoluted.

Breezy, we can agree to disagree. I really enjoyed the piece. With any art form, there is no true authority on what is 'good'. Its a matter of preference, as with any work of art. This type of work is obviously not your preference, but for me, it's a favorite. *Applauds EnternalSoul despite the naysayer*