Forgive Me.

Forgive me. Please forgive me for what I did. For all the hurt I brought and did. Please forgive me for the stupid things I said and did. Please forgive me for hurting you all. Please forgive me for the dread and hate I brought upon you all. Please forgive me for leaving. Please forgive me for cutting. Please forgive me for the darkness I made fill your hearts. Please forgive me for all I did. I ask for forgiveness because I was stupid and I want you all to stay. But it wouldn't hurt me if you all went away. I know I did horrible actions and said horrible things. I know it shall scar you forever until the end of your days. And I know I should not be loved. Especially by you for what I did is unforgivable that I know is true. But can you find it in your hearts to forgive me on your way? For I don't wish to be alone for the rest of my days. I know that fate has decided with the iron fist it holds that Death will come to me all Alone. Forgiving me is all I ask,then you can be on your way. I just want to know if you can forgive horrible as me. I won't deny what I did for I know it was wrong but I realized that too late along the road. And like a sad song all you were gone never to return. I knew this would happen,knew what would come. If only I had stopped it.... Forgive me please,forgive all did. Forgive all I said. Forgive my actions that filled you with dread. Forgive me please. Forgive me please. Just Forgive Me.
Goldpaw Goldpaw
2 Responses Dec 31, 2012

To at least "start" feeling matter what you have done, is to take control! Saying "I can't forgive myself" means that some magical, mysterious "force" is holding you back. That "force" is actually you! Please dump the word "can't" aka "cannot" from your vocabulary and substitute "won't" or "will not". Doing that starts you on the path to taking control over your feelings and responsibility for your actions.

Let me worry about it. Thanks for your... Support. But I've forgiven myself.

Well, that's just it! What good will worry do? "Worry" is stagnation. Doesn't solve a thing!

Ah, that is the crux. I've walked in those shoes. You did a wrong and even though they have forgiven , yet you cannot forget and with the memory comes the guilt and the shame. You have not forgiven yourself because there is no way you can change what is. The memory of the wrong comes sometimes at the oddest times and stays and then at other times the memory is gone and the guilt with it. The only thing that helps is remembering the words of forgiveness from the person you hurt. That is the only thing that helps, yet the shame and the guilt still linger.

You get it... We are the same in this absence of happiness and pride. Are we not?

I know the bs about time healing and take your troubles to God..they don't help. After a while they are like salt in an open wound, rubbed in by those who have no concept of what you feel. The guilt remains as strong as ever. LOVE is the only balm. Having someone who loves you, for you, someone to share with. Share what ? It doesn't matter; it could be a cup of coffee, small talk, something that tickles your funny bone, a walk somewhere, anywhere, at night, during the day, in the evening, it is the sharing that makes you realize you are of value. You are important to at least one someone.