Mournful Chant

So this is my first (kinda long) poem ever. It is critisism i'm looking for, but anyway... hope you like. It's not very classy but i liked it the way it came out and i supposed it had the right in its own inperfection to exist.

Mournful Chant

How will I measure and remember my life?
If ever, I shall then measure the bits of breath
that only during winter to me visible they
were: visible to see them escape and miss
in themselves the tiny spark or thought
that lifeless wished to be.
Catch the moments that I cannot measure
as they flutter indistinguishable between
a western blush or incandescent cement
Knocking on door sealed by oblivion is
impossible—unimaginable and terrifying.
What awaits there for me?
soundless echoes that rest under the
suffocating dust from unremembered days
laying in darkness. Untrustworthy Nothingness
that exists whispering of infinite impossibilities,
sensitive to touching like a ray of sunlight or
a mortuary veil from the moon’s sighs that
stretches to chill the skin.
My life passes without salutation, imperceptible;
Almost invisible.
Barely differential in its own self, that seems
foreign to me.
A portrait captures the shell before rotting
and crumbling.
A portrait is piled under vague memories
of people with fake eyes and a sparkle in
them hardly visible.
How to measure, how to trap; how to chain
the moment that only in freedom’s hidden
grasp it shall find shape?
How should one admire the bird that you’ve
chained when the act that’s driven you to
envy the animal suppressed is now?
Instead, kiss my cheek and wave me
good-bye in a single phase, that on your own
many tales will be imagined and only in
dream worlds shall we smile one to the
other once and again.
Forget the martyr and remember the
dreamer, who in his sepulcher is
designing your life.
sayonaranow sayonaranow
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 23, 2013

I enjoyed reading that. I have nothing to criticise but then poetry doesn't really have any rules does it? You think, you feel, you write. And that is what you did. Waiting for the next one, lol!

Oh! That is really nice of you. I will be expecting with great anxienty the next moment when inspiration just hits me with all of its resplandecent... something. Gah, i hope i can write something like that again; with tons of luck i may surprise myself again. Thank you for reading.