The Only Way I Can Say It

Story of my life. I grew up where not much feelings or affection was shown so none of the children really grew up with being able to express certain feelings. more so for me being the eldest and basically in charge of raising my siblings. From that young age I wrote little notes and the odd composition at school to express hidden feelings, but you know what no one took notice, if it was today I would have been referred to a councillor. We were not allowed friends and always had to be at home, in a way that was good because we did not get involved with the wrong crowd, but it did hamper our skills at mixing with other people and social skills.  When I started working and after quite a few failed jobs I met the woman of my dreams(oh yes ?) and my writing really came to the fore. I wrote her poetry with words I could not express otherwise and so often that I carried a notebook to note all these crazy things coming to my head. Well I must have made an impression because we got married and started our careers. That was fine for a year or two when things started chilling out, my career with studies at night, hers with doing her degree by post, we drifted apart without me even noticing. The inevitable happened, we got divorced and parted our ways even though I still loved her but she could no longer live with me and my uncaring ways. I really believed I was doing well by providing and being there, thank God no children, how would I have raised them? After she left my writing seemed to intensify as I cut myself off from friends and family. Going overseas and travelling around Europe did not help at all in my looking for "something", the old saying comes to mind " you can run but you cant hide", the memories are in your head and can not be erased. Well add quite a lot of years to that story and I am living in a strange country now and still writing if not that regular. I think we all have writing potential it just needs the right spark. By the way I have files full of things I have written and do not know what to do with it, or if it is any good but I do know that I feel better for having put my feelings on paper and got some of it off my chest.










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1 Response Feb 16, 2010

I got hooked on EP because of my ability to express my inner thoughts. I have been told I'm too emotional and no one is interested in my feelings. I have had to learn this lesson over and over because it is difficult for me to hold it in. Now that I have EP I have found I'm better at not needing to express everything. I come here and express it and I'm not chastised for doing so. Its a great outlet.