I Am Drowning

 The waves come crashing in around me.  I scramble to reach a surface to cling to, anywhere to regain my balance, but am unable to get to my feet so I can breathe.  I’m smashed by another wave, submerged and tumbling, spinning, dizzy.  I feel the immovable weight of so much water above me, pushing me down, keeping me under.  My breath is gone.  I am losing consciousness.  I can hear the ocean roar above me as I sink perhaps for the final time in an agony that must be death, fearing, thinking, realizing: this is how love feels.

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1 Response Mar 14, 2010

Yes -- very unexpected! But I think we all know the pain of heartbreak. I question, though, if it is love itself that causes this feeling, or is it something else? The paradox that love seems to be is something that has been nagging at me for quite awhile:<br />
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<a href="http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Wonder-What-Love-Is/269624" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a><br />
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We are drawn to beauty and love like a moth to the light, but when that part of ourselves kicks in to try and grab onto it, then things like pain, expectation, control, security get in our way, like waves crashing down upon us to drown us in our own sorrow -- when we find it slipping through our fingers. I think it is all a grand misunderstanding... when we hold ourselves apart from the ob<x>ject of our love, and the feeling of love itself. We see it as love coming from another onto us, when it is really the beauty of another that causes love to flow from us -- and this is what we are grasping for -- something that we already have in abundance within us. But we mistake the ob<x>ject as the source, and suffer heartbreak when we cannot posses the ob<x>ject in the way we think we need to.<br />
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Easy for her to say, right? Yeah. We may 'know' something, but still have a difficult time living it. One day I'll get there.