My Husband With Cancer

I have been married to the same man for 32 years. We are both 62 years old now. A month ago my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer and things do not look good. He had major surgery to remove the tumor from his colon but the cancer is in his lymph nodes. I took him home from the hospital and have nursed him completely back to health. He had to have small meals made every three hours around the clock for two weeks because he could not digest full meals. I have been through thick and thin, literally, with this man. We have weathered every up and down that life has to offer. Last night he told me that even though we have been together for 32 years, he would be leaving me to go to his mother's to die and that neither she nor he wanted me to be there. He says that he does not want to be a burden on me, but truthfully, he would rather be with her his final days than with me. I cannot even express how I am feeling. When I look back on our lives, it occurs to me that every time we have had problems, he goes to his mothers for a month or two. He has driven a wedge between his mother and me which is a shame because I really like her. This is like the last straw for me but there's really nothing I can do because he's probably not going to live anyway. SO HURT IN CHARLOTTE, NC
forsland forsland
1 Response Dec 12, 2012

I read your sharing, and my heart, and breath froze. The pain is palpable. I understand this from both sides. It is so painful. There is a safety he feels with her that is not possible for you to replicate, even deeper than the intimacy you two have shared.

I pray that you are able to be with him when he passes. It is very important and I pray he gives you that despite his agony. Hugs and love from a woman who understands.

After I spent months caring for him through thick and thin and now that the real hard part is over he will spend the last with his mother? Really. that's ok? I don't think so. I had to leave him with some real hard choice words from me and that is that he's nothing but a spoiled mama's boy. I am so hurt that there is just no way for me to wish anything good for him anymore.