Tell Me How You Like It (and Be Honest!).


An unnatural light hung over the familiar town of Lowur’s Valley. My skin prickled   with the strange feeling of a thousand eyes resting upon me. There was not a whisper to be heard, even the blacksmith’s shop was silent, a rare occurrence considering Lowur’s Valley was know for its metal works. An eerie feeling gripped me, a strong sense of forbidding and fear. Instantly, a thick fog descended upon the village, obscuring everything from view.

            “Hello? Is anyone there?” I asked uncertainly into the unearthly fog. It seemed as though my voice was smothered by some unseen force, for I knew that my question traveled no farther than my own ears.

            Quick as lightning, a hand snapped out of the fog and clasped onto my shoulder. My heart flew to my throat as I was pulled closer to the concealed person. Or thing.

            “You shouldn’t be here, not yet! You must leave this place.” A decisively female voice whispered urgently. She spoke with an accent I had never heard before, but the way she spat her words out, sharp and precise like, spoke of a regal and noble upbringing. 

            “Look milady,” I said uncertainly “I don’t even know where “here” is!”

            “I fear you will soon enough.” She said with what sounded strangely like remorse. “Dark things are stirring, and I’m afraid that you may be caught in the middle of their cruel schemes. But enough of these bleak tidings, you still have a while before you must depart from the comfort of your home. You will know everything in time.” With that her hand once again moved slowly toward me. I tried to resist, but found that I could no more move than if I had an anvil strapped to my ankle.

            “Don’t struggle Cen!” Through the mist, I could make out her eyes. I remember comparing them to winter’s heart, cold and raging. The question of where she had acquired my name never even occurred to me.

“The shadow comes, and you must leave before he arrives. We will speak soon.” She spoke that last part almost as if she making a promise.

Her hand touched me gently on my forehead and everything… shifted. Rolling green hills with clear blue sky overhead suddenly replaced where my village had been. A bird wheeled lazily overhead and a cricket chirped nearby. A cool breeze combed through my hair and I wondered abstractly whether she had sent me here.

 “Was rather nice of her if she did” I muttered sleepily, for I had grown very tired.                      I found a spot underneath an old shade tree and settled down beneath its boughs to sleep. Breathing in the fresh, woody smell of the glade, I let lose a sigh of contentment. Now this is a dream! I thought cheerily as I nodded off.

In the blink of an eye, everything changed. The world shook violently beneath my feet and sent me tumbling. A tremendous black cloud swallowed the sky, casting shades of grey and black upon everything. I shakily stood up, rubbing my arm which I had landed on when I rolled. What could have caused the very earth to tremble? I wondered terrified, the only thing that the earth could possibly fear would be-  

SO YOU ARE THE PROPHESIZED ONE? HA, I IMAGINED YOU WITH A BIT MORE MEAT ON YOUR BONES AND HAIR ON YOUR CHEST. The mocking voice thundered in my head, causing sharp pains to pierce through my head.

 It felt as if someone was thrusting needles into my skull. Everything wavered as I held my head delicately in quivering hands.


I couldn’t have answered if I had wanted to, for my head seemed stuffed with wool, and even the simplest of thoughts escaped me. By this time I was on my knees, unable to breathe and bleeding quite steadily from my nose which I futilely tried to stem.

NO ONE WILL STAND IN THE WAY OF MY CONQUEST, NO ONE!” The voice roared forebodingly. As the voice reached a crescendo, my mouth opened in a silent cry of agony as I collapsed, my mind thoroughly ravaged. With the message delivered, the…the presence, I suppose, faded. I was left with darkness closing in on my consciousness, unable to fight it.

 As if through a haze I saw a girl wreathed in light stand appear over me, looking into my eyes and touching me with cool, comforting fingers. Her touch seemed to provide immediate relief, to my mind at least. I could now think clearly again, but I was still unable to move.

 The world shifted again, this one in stark contrast to the previous landscape. Light poured out of every the very air, making it nigh impossible to open one’s eyes, much less examine your surroundings. “It is time for you to return to the world of the living.” Whispered the lady, in a voice as soft as silk, “I had never dreamed that they would discover you so early, but you need worry not, for I will not allow them to harm you. Now, awake.”




I woke with a start, snapping straight upright in bed. It took me a moment to realize that I was in my own bed, for a moment I thought I was still in that bloody dream. Or was it a dream? If so, it was certainly a realistic dream to be sure. I turned and sat at the edge of my bed and stared out of the small window, wondering what to do.

Finding no answers in the trees, I stood up and yawned, and as I did, something on my rough woolen sheet caught my eye. I grew cold as I realized what it was. Why would there be dried blood? I had no fresh wounds that I could recall…my stomach felt suddenly sick as I remembered details of the previous night’s dream. With an unsteady hand I reached slowly up and felt tenderly around my nostrils. Sure enough, I found clumps of dried blood and small patches of where it had yet to dry all around my nose. My smallclothes upon which the blood had run were ruined.

 I ******** off my dirtied shirt and ran to my small washbasin. I hurriedly scrubbed at my face and shirt, trying to remove all the blood before my mother could see. I would rather not have her asking questions right now, not until I myself figured out exactly what happened. I had just finished cleaning the last of the lifeblood my face (I had decided the shirt was a lost cause) when my mother walked in, a yeast covered apron tied around her once thin waist.

“Cen, what are ye doin’ up so early? Do ye be feelin’ well?” My mother asked, feeling my forehead and studying me closely. Her worry showed, for usually she kept a tight reign on her Hillfolk accent.

“I’m fine mother, really.” I added, in response to her disbelieving look. I didn’t like lying to her, but I felt it would be better for us all if I kept what happened the night before to myself. But then again, I haven’t been sure about anything in a long while.

“Yes, well, if ye do be feelin’ so well, might ye be makin’ some deliveries for ye dear old ma?” She asked, her tone reeking of false sweetness. I swallowed my sharp response, and told her with just as much cheerfulness that I could muster, that I would be happy to make her deliveries.

Her mouth fell agape before she remembered to snap it shut. She then hurriedly scurried out of my room, closing the door solidly behind her. She and I both that I knew that I was rarely willingly helped with her bakery’s deliveries, and she wasn’t willing to stay around in case I changed my mind. I had planned on that, because I knew that she wouldn’t leave me well enough alone, and that inevitably she would ask questions, of which I did not plan to be around to answer. But I do hate making such deliveries, its frivolous, unnecessary busy work. Which, ironically, is just what I need.

After I had changed into some fresh clothes, I headed down stairs, collected my list and my basket, and then set off into the winding labyrinth that is Lowur’s Valley. Stopping beneath a covering on the street corner, I scanned down my list, finding one address that was only a few blocks away. Deciding that this would be a fine place to start, I slung my basket across my shoulder and stepped into the wild, flowing torrent of people.

Looking up at the beautiful summer sky, I was reminded of that fey dream. I found myself thinking about that girl and idly wondering who she was. All I had gotten a good look of was her eyes, which was nothing to go on. Even thought she did have rather peculiar eyes. I wonder if that is common where she is from, for I had never seen eyes like hers. I suddenly felt ridiculous, thinking about a girl that only lived in my dreams.

I'm a fourteen year-old in the eighth-grade and this is my first attempt at writing a story(and finishing it!). So please add any comments you wish and any advice you wish to give!

daltrunner daltrunner
18-21, M
8 Responses Apr 6, 2007

I Write<br />
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Being On DLA & Near 65 (Jan '13), I See My EP Time As Being A Professional Writer<br />
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By: Me<br />
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Written on September 11th, 2012<br />
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Amazingly, it was within days of 9/11 happening that I first got online & felt called to 'Net discussion forums<br />
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My older cousins were a Colonel, a Wing Commander & a Navy Commander<br />
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They'd have all retired before 9/11<br />
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But, having that family background, being ex-security & a Bible College graduate, I knew many folk were in deep shock & needed to talk<br />
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In each forum I've been on, I've always recommended folk to google, free online creative writing courses & competitions<br />
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I'd already done a Correspondence Course with The Writers Bureau<br />
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But as we move back into cold, wet, windy days, I'll sure do online refreshers<br />
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Inc youtube tutorials @ creative writing<br />
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Thanks for your share!<br />
Here are some great jackets for you guys.<br />

Thanks for your share!<br />
Here are some great jackets for you guys.<br />

There's a lot of great websites with information on contests/publishing, if that's what you were aiming for with this story. The only one I (slightly) remember the name of is called KidPub; maybe you can google it. <br />
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Great job. Very nicely done.

I couldnt stop reading...

Very good! Really draws you in well.

Fantastic...try a short story publisher

Very good work....seems this may be where your future lies