4 A.M I’m sitting in room staring at the sky. I always love watching the colors change from black to purple to gold and to blue. It’s fitting I suppose since the name I take for myself reflect this time.  I was born with out a doctor or a nurse only my Deidre to catch me. They had been sailing on lake within the middle of Lake Michigan. Why two women one nine months pregnant would go sailing in the middle of winter is beyond me but mom never did show much sense. Supposedly I didn’t cry when I was born and after some concern Deidre handed me to mom. As she tells it I opened my eyes and the light of early morning poured in. I was part of the light and to her I was always the light of her life.


Our home was within a suburb that as child seemed to be the most boring place alive. I never mined over much because despite the drabness of the place life outside and very often inside my house was always very chaotic. I learned to treasure peace and quiet when I could find it. I never quite understood but I was endowed with the ability to enrage just about every one in my childhood.  The other children were dismissive and disgusted by my attempts of friendship. The adults dismayed my wandering mind and lack of motivation. I remember very well seeming to live on the wrong side of a glass wall, doomed to see others live life but able to partake for myself. I entertained myself and enjoyed solitary activities.  Time taught me to rely on myself and to keep my thoughts close. Time also lessened my affect at fifteen the world started to smile on me. Time contrary to popular belief does not heal wounds or bring forget ness. It does distance pain and an adults mind accepts what a child’s cannot. All that time spent watching life has taught me to watch people. Simply put I can read a person like the books I escaped within as a child. I read people and see that true happiness is rare but contentment plentiful. Perhaps one day I will learn to touch the pain others feel and I am blessed to see. Pain I have felt my self but no one seemed able to relieve.  Perhaps I will become someone who relieves pain.

Treelife Treelife
18-21, F
2 Responses Feb 21, 2009

Maybe there's hope for the both if us.

I relate and agree. I have spent/spend a lot of time in isolation and stared detached at the proceedings of the world around me. Love and happiness exist as a state of mind to me, but my faith in their power extends only as far as my rational allowing that they are a possibility, one that I feel unlikely to assume. I do hope that while I feel too accustomed to the shadows of society, maybe I can bring others to the light as you hope.